The bride tells her husbandThe bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place'theprison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison. And then they made love for the first time.Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling withsatisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped.
"Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettesbutthe girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, giveshima suggestive smile,
"Honey, the prisoner is out again!"The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recentlyborn foal. Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again.
"Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her,
"Hey, its not a lifesentence,OKAY!
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Birthday Present A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How yadoin'?"His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before."Oh, no," says Dave.
"He's on my bowling team."When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did sheknow that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave,and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam thedoor, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is havingnone of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a realbitch tonight, Dave."
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Church Bells On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year oldgrand motherand comfort her.When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,"He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.
"Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 yearsold having sex would surely be asking for trouble."Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.
"She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damnedice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"
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