Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Life Mein Hamesha Positive Hi Socho

"Kuch Log Life Mein Aayi Problem Se Ghabra Jaate Hai, Par Har Cheez Ke Do Pahlu Hote Hai, Aap Bhi Hamesha Positive Side Hi Socha Karo Jaise Is Ladke Ne Socha"
Ek Girl-Friend Rote Hue Apne Boy-Friend Ko Boli.
Girl-Friend: “Darling, Ek Buri Khabar Hai”
Boy-Friend: “Kya Hua Konsi Buri Khabar Hai?”
Girl-Friend: “Meri Shadi Pakki Ho Gayi”
Boy-Friend Khushi Se Bola: “Chalo Achha Hua Ab Condom Ke Bina Bhi Sex Kar Sakte Hai”
Hamein Hamesha Positive Sochna Chahiye.

Ghar Mein Sabse Chhota Kaun Hai?

Class Mein Teacher Bachho Se Kuch Alag-Alag Sawaal Puch Rahi Thi, Pappu Ki Baari Aati Hai,

Teacher Pappu Se: “Tumhare Ghar Mein Sabse Chhota Kaun Hai?”

Pappu Haste Hue: “Hamari Naukarani”

Teacher Hairani Se: “Wo Kaise???”

Pappu: “Wo Is Liye Ki Har Baar Wo Apni Chaddi Papa Se Hi Utarwati Hai“

Free Mein Kahin Kuch Hota Hai Aajkal

Ek Bahut Kanjoos Aadmi Tha, Wo Apne Ladke Ko Kabhi Jeb Kharch Ke Liye Paise Nahi Deta Tha,

Ek Din Uska Apni Wife Ke Sath Sex Karne Ka Mood Bana, Lekin Ladka Ghar Mein Tha.

To Kanjoos Ne Ladke Ko 5 Rupaye Diye Aur Kaha Jao Agle Mohalle Wali Kariyane Ki Dukan Se Toffee Kha Aao,

Ladke Ko Shak Hua Ki Aaj Kaise Muje Paise Mil Gaye Jaroor Daal Mein Kuch Kala Hai.

Ladke Ne Dimag Lagaya Aur Ghar Se Nikal Kar Piche Ke Raste Se Chhat Par Chad Gaya Aur Parda Hata Kar Dekha To Ander Uske Mummy – Papa Sex Kar Rahe The.

Wahi Se Gujarte Ek Budhe Ne Dekha Ki Ek Bachha Chatt Par Khada Hai Kahi Gir Na Jaye To Vo Zor Se Chilla Kar Bola.

Aadmi: “Abe Bhonsdi Ke Neeche Utar Ja Varna Free Mein Maan Chud Jayegi”

Ladka Bhi Gusse Mein Bola: “Free Mein Nahi 5 Rupaye Mein Chud Rahi Hai“

Aakhir Kyu Hota Hai Ye?

Zindagi Mein Do Cheeze Samaj Nahi Aayi Aaj Tak:

Pehli: “Ladkiyon Ki Jeans Mein Zip Ka Kya Kaam Hai?”

Doosri: “Jab Unke Paas Kuch Pakadne Ke Liye Hai Hi Nahi To Wo Bathroom Jane Ke Baad Hath Kyo Dhoti Hai?“

Height Of Insult By Boyfriend

Height Of Insult.

Boy-Friend: “Agar Tumhare Hath Nahi Hote To Kya Tum Gloves (Dastane) Pehanti?”

Girl-Friend: “Nahi Bilkul Nahi”

Boy-Friend: “To Fir Bra Kyu Pahanti Ho?“

Jab Soyenge To Pata Chalega Na

Ek Ladki Apni Saheli Se Uski Nayi-Nayi Shaadi Ke Baad Puchti Hai.

Ladki: “Kya Tumhara Pati Sote Waqt Kharate Leta Hai?”

Saheli Sharmate Hue: “Pata Nahi Abhi To Hamari Shaadi Ko 3 Din Hi Hue Hai, Soyenge To Pata Chalega“

Parayi Ladkiyo Ke Liye Aisa Nahi Karna Chahiye

Ek Baar Ek Kisaan Ne Apne Dono Ladko Ki Shaadi Ek Hi Din Kar Di.

Ab Tha To Vo Gareeb Hi, Uske Pass Teen Manjli Makan Tha, Usne Chote Ladke Ko Sabse Upri Wali Manjil De Di,

Aur Bade Ko Pahli Manjil, Khud Aapni Biwi Ke Sath Nichli Majil Par Rahta Tha.

Suhag Raat Wale Din Sabse Pahle Chote Ladke Ne Thoka Thukayi Shuru Ki.

To Unki Awaaz Sun Ke Bade Bhai Ka Bhi Dil Hua To Wo Bhi Shuru Ho Gaya.

Isi Tarha Unki Awaaz Niche Aayi To Budhe Ka Bhi Dil Kar Pada Wo Bhi Shuru Ho Gaya.

Ladke Jawan The Un Dono Ne Aadhe Ghante Baad Phir Se Shift Laga Di.

Budhe Ne Bhi Dekha Dekhi Ek Baar Aur Trip Maar Li.

Ladko Ka Khoon To Abhi Bhi Garam Tha, Unhone Ek Ghante Baad Ek Shift Aur Laga Di.

Budhe Bechare Mein Itni Jaan Kaha Thi, Vo Gusse Mein Aakar Ladko Ko Niche Se Zor Se Awaj Dekar Bola.

Budha: “Kyun Parayi Ladkiyon Ke Pichhe Compition Kar Ke Aapni Maa Chudva Rahe Ho“

Aap Bilkul Mobile Jaise Ho

Shadi Ke Kuch Time Baad Ek Din Sex Karte Time Patni Pati Se Pyar Se Boli

Patni: “Aap Bilkul Mobile Jaise Ho”

Pati Garv Se: “Sachi, Tumhe Meri Vibration Achhi Lagti Hai?”

Patni: “Nahi, Basement Mein Jaate Hi Aapka Network Fail Ho Jata Hai“

100 Sunaar Ki 1 Lohar Ki

Ek Sunaar Ki Biwi Ke 101 Bachhe The.

Media Ko Khabar Lagi, Saare Reporter Daude Aaye.

Jaisa Ki Sabko Pata Hai Media Waale Ant-Shant Sawaal Puchhte Hai, To Us Aurat Se Puchha Gaya,

Media Waale: “Kya Ye Saare Bachhe Aapke Hain?”

Aurat Pahle Muskurayi Aur Boli,

Aurat: “Na, 100 Sunaar Ki 1 Lohar Ki“

Vakiye Hi Bahut Thand Hai Bahar

Sardi Ke Mahine Mein Pati Subah Subah Jogging Ke Liye Bahar Gaya.

Bahot Thand Hone Ke Karan Thodi Der Baad Ghar Aake, Patni Se Chipak Kar So Gaya.

Aur Dheere Se Bola: “Yaar, Bahot Thand Hai Bahar”

Patni: “Haan, Phir Bhi Pagal Jogging Ke Liye Gaya Hai“

Insaniyat Aaj Bhi Zinda Hai

"Kaun Kahta Hai Ki Aaj Ke Time Mein Insaniyat Nahi Hai Ya Kisi Ke Liye Hamare Dil Mein Pyar Nahi Hai, Is Shaks Ne Saabit Kar Diya Ki Aaj Bhi Insaniyat Zinda Hai"
Pati Kaam Se Ghar Jaldi Aa Gaya, Patni Ne Ye Dekha To Gabra Kar Premi Ko Powder Laga Kar, Kone Mein Murti Ki Tarah Khada Kar Diya
Pati Kamre Mein Aya To Usne Moorti Dekhi Aur Pucha
Pati: “Ye Kya Hai?”
Patni Muskurate Hue Boli: “Ji Ye Murti Gupta Ji Ne Di Hai.”
Pati Kuch Na Bola, Aur Kaam Kaaj Mein Vyast Ho Gaya
Aadhi Raat Ko Uth Kar Murti Ke Aage Sandwich Rakh Kar Bola.
Pati: “Kha Lo Gupta Ji, Parson Main Bhi Tumhare Ghar Saari Raat Aise Hi Khada Raha Kisi Ne Pani Tak Bhi Nahi Puchha Tha“

Samosa Aur Kachori, Mein Kya Fark Hai?

Class Mein Madam Ne Bachho Se Puchha

Madam: “Bachhon, Batao Samosa Aur Kachori, Mein Kya Fark Hai?”

Is Se Pahle Koi Jawab Deta, Pappu Khada Hua Aur Puri Besharmi Ke Sath Bola

Pappu: “Madam, Agar Aap Bra Pehenogi To Samosa Dikhega, Nahi Pehenogi To Kachori“

Birbal Se Panga Leke Fass Gaya Bechara

"Akbar Birbal Ke Kisse To Bahut Se Sune Honge, Par Ye Kissa Vo Hai Jo Har Kisi Ne Nahi Suna, Aur Sach Mein Birbal Ki Jitni Tarif Ki Jaye Utni Kam Hai."

Akbar Ne Nayi Nayi Shadi Kari Aur Jo Uski Begaum Aayi Thi Vo Bahut Hi Haseen Thi Aur Uske Boobs Bade Hi Mote Mote And Mast Thhe.

Taansen, Akbar Ka Sangeetkar Ka Dil Unhe Muh Mein Lene Ka Hua. Par Koi Tarkeeb Dimag Mein Na Aayi To Jaisa Sab Jante Hai Ki Birbal Ka Dimag Bahut Tez Tha, Har Problem Ka Solution Dhoond Leta Tha, Tansen Uske Pas Gaya Aur Bola.

Tansen: “Yaar Birbal, Nayi Begum Sahiba Badi Mast Hai Koi Jugaad Kar Na Jis Se Uske Boobs Choos Saku”

Birbal Ne Jawab Diya: “Dekh Bhai, Main Salahkaar Sirf Badshah Ka Hun, Aur Kisi Ko Main Free Mein Koi Salah Mashvara Nahi Deta, Bina Paiso Ke Teri Koi Madad Nahi Karunga”
Taansen Ne Kuch Pal Socha Aur Bol Diya Ki Vo Ye Kaam Karvaye Main Usko Sone Ki Asharfiya De Dunga.

Raat Ko Birbal Taansen Ke Paas Aaya Aur Bola: “Tera Kaam Ho Gaya Hai, Maine Begum Ki Bra Mein Khujli Ka Powder Daal Diya Hai”

Tansen Bola: “Arey Par Us Se Kya Hoga?”

Birbal: “Kal Subha Badshah Jab Ye Problem Mere Ko Batayega To Main Bol Dunga Ki Taansen Ke Muh Mein Jaadu Hai, Shareer Mein Kahi Bhi Khujli Ho Rahi Ho Aur Tansen Usko Choose To Khujli Theek Ho Jaati Hai”

Idea Sun Kar Tansen Bada Khush Hua, Aur Agle Din Hua Bhi Aisa, Taansen Ne Zam Kar Begum Sahiba Ke Boobs Choose Aur Maje Liye

Agle Din Jab Birbal Paise Lene Aaya To Taansen Bola: “Ghanta Lele Mera, Itna Chota Sa Kaam Kiya Aur Uske Badle Mein Itne Paise Mang Raha Hai, Ye Toh Main Bhi Kar Sakta Tha Bina Tumhari Madad Ke.”

Birbal Ye Sunkar Muskuraya Aur Bola: “Taansen Beta, Main Janta Tha Ki Tu Aisa Haramipana Dikhayega, Isliye Kal Raat Ko Maine Akbar Ke Kachhe Mein Bhi Khujli Ka Powder Daal Diya Tha.“

Dulhe Se Jyada Kanjoos To Dulhan Nikli

Shadi Wali Raat Dulha Apni Dulhan Ko Sex Karne Ke Baad Apne Ghar Ke Niyam Aur Kayde-Kanoon Samajhate Hue Bola.

Dulha: “Is Ghar Mein Rahna Hai To Kanjoosi Karni Padegi”

Dulhan: “To Phir Itna Sara Tel Lund Par Lagane Ki Kya Jarurat Thi, Hamare Waha To Ye Kam Thook Laga Ke Hi Ho Jata Tha“

joke of the year Little Johnny

Johnny walked into class with a black eye

Teacher: what’s wrong?

Johnny : our house is very small. Me, my mom, my dad we sleep on the same bed.
Last night my dad asked, 'Johnny are u sleeping?
When I said No, he slapped my face and gave me a Black eye"

Teacher: the next time when your dad asks if you're sleeping , keep dead quiet and don’t answer.


The following morning Johnny comes back with a severe+ SEVERE+ black eye again..


Teacher: My goodness why the black eye again?

Johnny: Dad asked me again, Johnny are you sleeping? And I shut up n kept dead still.

Then my dad and my mom started moving, You know at the same time Mom was breathing erratically, Kicking her legs up frantically and squealing like a hyena on the bed.

Then my dad asked my mom, are you coming?

Mom said: Yes I’m coming, are u coming too?

Dad answered: Yes !!!

They don’t usually go anywhere without me So I said, wait for me, I'm also coming!!!!!

T.V Ne To Bachho Ko Bigaad Hi Diya Hai

Sir Miss Ke Boobs Daba Raha Tha Pappu Ne Dekh Liya.

Is Se Pahle Pappu Kuch Bolta, Sir Bola

Sir: “Beta, Miss Ke Sine Mein Dard Hai Isliye Daba Raha Hoon”

Pappu Gusse Se: “Bhonsdi Ke Bacha Hoon Koi Chutiya Nahi, Main Bhi HBO Dekhta Hoon – Pogo Nahi”

Good laugh for Women

 
Good laugh for Women (and guys, too!)

One day my housework challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma "

And they say woman are dumb...
**********
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
**********
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
**********

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor
**********

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!

Gottta love that fairy!
**********

Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.

AMEN
**********

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
**********

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your email?

A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

my wife's expecting

 

my wife's expecting


A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend. "You see," he explained, "my wife's expecting."

"Oh..." said the Officer, "I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck."

The following week the same soldier was back again with the same explanation: "My wife's expecting."

The Officer looked surprised. "Still expecting?" he said, "Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the week-end off."

When the same soldier appeared again the third week, however, the Officer lost his temper. "Don't tell me your wife is still expecting!" he bellowed.

"Yes sir!" said the soldier resolutely, "She's still expecting."

"What in heaven is she expecting?" cried the Officer.

"Me." said the soldier simply.

2012 One Liner Jokes


2012 One Liner Jokes


• Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

• I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in, she said: Check books.

• The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.

• Sometimes when I reflect back on all the ciggarettes I smoked, i feel ashamed. Then I look into the ciggarette and  think about the workers in the ciggarette factory.  all of their hopes and dreams. If I dont smoke this ciggarette, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered, Then I say to myself, it's better that I smoke this ciggarette then let their dreams come true then be selfish and worry about my LUNGS.

• Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.

• What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

• My wife thinks "freedom of the press" means no-iron clothes.

• When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election.


• A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drove his prize possession.. ..even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house. After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!"

• A boy tells his mom that he seen a boy and a girl sitting at the top of the roof and kissing. Then his mom tell him that they are gonna get married. Then the boy asks his mom: When is dad gonna marry the maid?
• "Take a pencil and paper," the teacher said, "and write an essay with the title 'If I Were a Millionaire' " Everyone but Philip, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write furiously. "What's the matter," the teacher asked. "Why don't you begin?" "I'm waiting for my secretary," he replied.

• Wife's definition of retirement: Twice as much husband on half as much pay.

• Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

• Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal

• At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I hv lst my hand, oh!
Santa: Control urself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

• A blonde was being admonished by the doctor: Until the penicillin cleans out ur infection, u r to have no relations whatsoever! Pausing for a moment, blonde replied: Ok, but what about friends and neighbors?

• A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service for some pepper.
Attendant: Black pepper or white pepper?
French: Toilette pepper!

• A history professor and a psychology professor were sitting on a deck at a nudist colony.
The history professor asked the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?"
The psychology professor replied, "Yes, I think they are from the wicker chairs."

• We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations--we' re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together

What is WOMAN

 
What is WOMAN

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman,
If you don't, you are not a man.

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying,
If you don't, you are good for nothing.

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp,
If you don't, you are 'not understanding'.

If you visit her often, you are boring,
If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing.

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy,
If you don't, you are a dull boy.

If you are jealous, she says it is bad, 
If you aren't, she thinks you don't love her. 

If you attempt a romance, she says you don't respect her,
If you don't, she thinks you don't like her.

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait,
If she is late, she says it's a girl's way.

If you visit other men, you are not putting in quality time,
If she is visited by other women, "Ah! It's natural, we are girls."

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold,
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage.

If you fail to help her cross the street, you lack ethics,
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction.

If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting,
If she is stared by a man, she says that they are just admiring.

If you talk, she wants you to listen,
If you listen, she wants you to talk.

In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
So damning, yet so wonderful. 

101 Ways To Be Happy

 

101 Ways To Be Happy

1. Never put yourself last.

2. When you extend a helping hand to one person, be careful not to kick someone else in the teeth.

3. Always own a pair of old, faded jeans.

4. Count your blessings every day.

5. Acknowledge your successes along with your downfalls.

6. Burn the candle that has been in storage for the last two years.

7. Strive for progress, not perfection.

8. Remember, the voice telling you that you cannot do something is always lying.

9. At least once a day sit and do nothing.

10. Don't close your heart so tightly against life's pain that you shut out life's blessings.

11. Celebrate all your birthdays no matter how old you get.

12. Examine your life for limitations and ask yourself why you put them there.

13. Plant a tree, pull weeds, or get your hands dirty.

14. Diminish your wants instead of increasing your needs.

15. Cry when you feel like it.

16. Rejoice in other people's triumphs.

17. Don't wait for someone else to laugh or express joy.

18. Forgive yourself for any mistake you make, no matter how big or small.

19. Keep good company.

20. Never take a pill for a pain you need to feel.

21. Use your enthusiasm to put yourself in forward gear and give yourself a spark to move ahead.

22. Look in the eyes of the ones you love when you are talking to them.

23. Remember that one is a whole number.

24. Walk in a summer rain shower without an umbrella.

25. Do a kind deed for someone else.

26. Keep your eyes and ears open to get the messages you need from people and events in your daily life.

27. Be patient.

28. Eat something green.

29. Change what you can and leave the rest alone.

30. Walk hand and hand with truth.

31. Make laughter an d joy a greater part of your life than anger and grief.

32. Embrace solitude instead of running from it.

33. Be zealous, not jealous.

34. Forgive anyone you've been holding a grudge against.

35. Slow down and enjoy the present.

36. Walk in others' shoes before judging them.

37. Send yourself a kind message.

38. Remind yourself that the company you keep is a reflection of what you think of yourself.

39. Go on a picnic.

40. Accept your fears, no matter how crazy they seem.

41. Don't let other people's opinions shape who you are.

42. Say a prayer.

43. Never attribute your accomplishments to luck or chance.

44. Know when to say no.

45. Look at the positive side of negative situation.

46. Remember that you are a spiritual being in a physical body.

47. Avoid seeking out other people for constant approval, because it make them the master and you the slave.

48. Go fly a kite.

49. Avoid fads and bandwagons.

50. Accept the things you cannot change.

51. Look inside instead of outside yourself for answers to life's problems.

52. Remember that all feelings are okay.

53. Shield yourself from bad influences.

54. Stand up for what you believe in.

55. Respect the wishes of others when they say no.

56. Seize every moment and live it fully.

57. Give away or sell anything you haven't used in the past five years.

58. Never downgrade yourself.

59. Take responsibility for what you think, feel, and do.

60. Pamper yourself.

61. Never say or do anything abusive to a child.

62. Let yourself be God powered instead of flying solo.

63. Volunteer to help someone in need.

64. Refrain from overindulging in food, drink, and work

65. Finish unfinished business.

66. Be spontaneous.

67. Find a constructive outlet for your anger.

68. Think about abundance instead of lack, because whatever you think about expands.

69. Think of yourself as a survivor, not a victim.

70. Cuddle an animal.

71. Be open to life.

72. See success as something you already have, not something you must attain.

73. Experience the splendor and awe of a sunset.

74. When you score a base hit, don't wish it were a home run.

75. Learn to be in the present moment.

76. Instead of believing in miracles, depend on them.

77. Take a child to the circus.

78. Change your attitude and your whole life will change.

79. Never turn your power over to another person.

80. When your heart is at odds with your head, follow your heart.

81. Always remember that the past is gone forever and the future never comes.

82. Live your life according to what is right for you.

83. Acknowledge your imperfections.

84. Plant a tree and watch it grow.

85. See "friend" instead of "enemy" on the face of strangers.

86. Watch an army of ants build their houses and cities and carry food ten times their weight.

87. Believe in something bigger than yourself.

88. Let the playful child within you come out.

89. Make haste slowly.

90. Work through your problems step by step and one day at a time.

91. Accept compliments from others so you can see the truth about yourself.

92. Sit on the lawn without worrying about grass stains.

93. Don't condemn yourself for your imperfections.

94. Do a humility check periodically by loving the truth about yourself.

95. Tell someone you appreciate them.

96. Never live your life according to what is right for someone else.

97. Talk less and listen more.

98. Admit your wrongdoing and forgive yourself for it.

99. Thrive on inner peace instead of on crises.

100. Affirm all the good things about yourself.


Monday, September 24, 2012

POETIC RESIGNATION

 
Employee Resignation
---------------


The name is good, the brand is big
But the work I do is that of a pig

The work or the brand; what is my way?
I don't know if I should stay.

To work, they have set their own way
Nobody will care to hear what I say

My will be NULL, they wont change their way
I don't know if I should stay.

The project is in a critical stage
But to do good work, this is the age

This dilemma is killing me day by day
I don't know if I should stay.

The money is good, the place is great
But the development is at a very small rate

Should I go for the work, or wait for pay
I don't know if I should stay!

The managers don't know what they talk
The team doesn't know where they walk

That's a bad situation, what say?
I don't know if I should stay.

I can go to any other place
But what if I get the same disgrace

I can't keep switching day by day
I don't know if I should stay.

The -ves are more, the +ves are less
Then why have this unnecessary mess

No more will I walk their way,
It's all done, I won't stay.

Thanks & Regards
Employee




Manager Response
---------------

Reply: What I want to say? (Manager)

The decision is good or decision is bad
Only God knows still I am glad

Keep moving in life that is what I can say

If you feel right go in the same way
May god give you the work, the challenge you want

Anyway there is always a second chance
Chances are there, grab them snatch them

That is what I can say

Keep on jumping companies to get more and more and more....
That will keep you always a fore (Even to me)

From my experience I can tell you
Being in software development is like taking hell out of you

You are frustrated since you have no quality work
And you were frustrated because you had quantity work

It's always like that previous job was better than the current one
And expects the new job will be much better than this one

But what you get is a frustration level up to sun
Than you will again send the resignation like this one

This is all what I want to say

Have you completed all the formalities?
Filled the form and got it signed from department humanities (HR)

Once done you can take all your cash
But don't refer others as they will follow you're a*s.

At last I appreciate your contribution to the company
Even though there was not any....

You will keep a copy of this with you for FYI
Don't feel shy

As I also got it some time back from my old manger say Hi....
That is all what I want to say.

Thanks & Regards
Manager

Friday, July 20, 2012

Endearing terms

An elderly gent was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one evening.
He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Darling, etc…

The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over to his host, “I think it's wonderful that after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names”.
The old man hung his head, sighed and said “I have to tell you the truth, her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask the old bitch what it is...”

Joke of the month

A plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning. One woman lost it completely.

She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, 'I'm too young to die,' she cried. Then she yelled, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?'

For a moment, there was silence. Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then the man from Australia stood up in the rear of the plane.

He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time. No one moved. He
removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest.


  She gasped...
  Then, he spoke...
  'Iron this -- and then get me a beer.'

he ever wants is sex

A woman went to a lawyer to discuss divorcing her husband.
"Don't you love him anymore?" asked the lawyer.
"Oh, I still love him," she replied, "but all he ever wants is sex, I can't take it anymore."
"Instead of divorcing him, why don't you try charging him every time he wants to make love?" the lawyer suggested.

The exhausted wife decided to give the plan a try.

As soon as she walked into the house that night her husband put the move on her.
"Not so fast," she replied. "From now on it'll be $10 in the kitchen, $20 in the living room and $50 in the bedroom."

"Well, then," he said. "Here's $50."

The wife began walking to the bedroom.
"Hold on," he said, grabbing her hand. "That'll be five times in the kitchen!"

Best SMS Joke

Marriage is like a public toilet Those waiting outside are desperate to
get in & Those inside are desperate to come out.

20 Years Ago

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.
She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
`What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, `Why are you down here at this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee, `I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating.
You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.
`Yes, I do' she replies.
The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.
`Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'
`Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues. `Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, `Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'
`I remember that too' she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, `Had I gone with second option, I would have been released today.`

                                                                                  

 

ORGANIC WIFE

My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market.

I went and looked around and couldn't find any.
So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"

"The produce guy looked at me and said, "No. You'll have to
do that yourself.

HOW TO START A FIGHT

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
________________________________
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
________________________________
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
________________________________
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
________________________________
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
________________________________
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
________________________________
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would
be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
________________________________
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
________________________________
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application..
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office...
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
________________________________
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect

Mexican Oysters

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico .

While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the
next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.


He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'

The waiter replied, 'Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's
testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!'


The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order.'
The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry, senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one
bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this
delicacy.'


The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and
only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and
said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.'

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied,

'Si, Senor.
Sometimes the bull wins !

TOP of 2012 joke


Doctor to a ghayal patient,

" Jab car ek AURAT chala rahi thi to tumhe sadak se thodi dur chalana chahiye tha.
Patient :-  kaisi SADAK , Kaun si SADAK,
Main to KHET main Lota leke Baitha tha...........
                                                                           

Wife :- Main SUICIDE karungi........

Husband :- To ye lo, (  He just gives her a DAIRY MILK. )
Wife :- Q ?????
Husband :- Mammi kehati hai , BETA Koi SUBH kaam Karne se pe pehale KUCH MEETHA ho jaye .....!!!!!!

Adult joke Overdue

Mr.Sharma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we  can't tell anybody."

The next day, Mrs.Sharma receives a telephone call  from  Electric Company because the  electricity bill has not been paid.

" Am I speaking to Mrs.Sharma ? "  "Yes...... speaking"  
guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman. 
"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the  guy . 
"What are you saying? It's in your files ...... HOW  ?????"  
"Yes ........... We have a system of finding out who's overdue "
"GOD !!!!!!...... ... this is too much........ .." 
"Madam, I am sorry...... I am following orders.... I have to inform you are overdue"
"I know that ........ let me talk to my husband about this tonight. ..... he will speak to your company tomorrow " 

That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to Electric Company's office the next day morning.

"What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What  business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.
"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at Elecric Company ,  "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us.."
"PAY you? and if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.

"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

SEXY Definitions


THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female definition: Any part under a car's bonnet.
Male definition: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

LESBIAN (lez-bee-an) n.
Female: A woman who makes love to other women.
Male: A woman who has sex with other women so men can watch.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing soccer without shin pads.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 minutes.

COMMUNICATION (ko-muu-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's Partner.
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with The lads.

BUM (bum) n.
Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes look bigger.
Male: The organ for mooning (and farting).

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's Girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Sex!!

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can Achieve.
Male: What women do while the man is shagging.

Maid Of Honor

A man returned home from the night shift at 8 am, went straight up to the bedroom and found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, feigning sleep.

Not to be denied, the horny fellow pulled up the sheet and proceeded to make love to her.
Afterward, as he hurried downstairs for something to eat, he was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife pouring coffee.

"How'd you get down here so fast?", he asked, "we were just making love."

"Oh my God", his wife gasped, "that's my mother up there! She came over with a headache. I told her to lie down for a while."

Rushing upstairs, the woman ran into the bedroom.

"Why didn't you say something!", she asked her mother. "I haven't spoken to that jerk in fifteen years", she huffed,"and I wasn't about to start now!"

Top number one hindi aaj ka quota

Delivery ke waqt,

BIWI,   O God ! BETA HO,
PATI,   O GOD  !  BETI HO.

GOD  Shut up, ABE confusion Me aisa item ban jayega  Ki tum dono Rote rahoge , Aur wo TALIYA bajata rahega .

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Trouble

 

Interviewer: Just imagine u r in third floor, it caught fire. How will u escape?

Man: It's very simple i will stop my imagination

............ ......... ..................... ......... .......


There was a garland in the operation theater. Seeing this, the confused patient asked the nurse about it.

The nurse replied calmly,"This is first case to our doctor.. If he succeeds, it is for him, otherwise... ..."

............ ......... ..................... ......... .......

Help a girl, when she is in trouble.
And she will surley remember you
Only when she is in truble again.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Santa Attacks

santa selling parachute, tells the customer "jump from plane n press button & you can land safely."
CUSTOMER: if it doesn't open????
SARDAR : PAISA WAPAS.......

**********
santa is walking along the road. He sees a banana peel. What does he think??
"UFF, Aj phir girna padega!!"


Then next day he is walking along the road, he sees two banana peels. What does he think????????
"Ispe se giru, ya uspe se????"
Then the day after that he sees a lot of banana peels on the road. So he calls home and tells his wife..
"AAj ghar late aaoonga!!"

**********

After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express.
Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed.
When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.
Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.
Santa Singh explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."

**********
Customer: Is mirror ki guarantee kya hai?
Santa : It is 99% safe.! 100 feet se fenkoge to 99 feet tak kuchh nahi hoga"!

**********
Teacher to Santa " Where were U born?
Santa : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Santa : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.

**********

Santa : People consider me as a "GOD"
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have come again..

**********

Santa complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.
Police : How the theif did not take TV???
Santa : I was watching TV na....

Rajni Mania

Rajnikanth was bragging to Amitabh Bachan one day, “You know, I know everyone. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.

Tired of his boasting, Amitabh Bachan called his bluff, “OK, Rajini how about Tom Cruise?” “Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it” Rajini said.
So Rajini and Amitabh Bachan fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door,
And sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts : “Thalaiva! Great to see you! You And your friends come right in and join me for lunch!”

Although impressed, Amitabh Bachan is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Rajini that he thinks Rajini knowing Cruise was
Just lucky.

“No, no, just name anyone else” Rajini says
President Obama”, Amitabh Bachan quickly retorts
Yes”, Rajini says, “I know him. And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Rajini on the tour and motions him, saying, : “Rajini, what a surprise, I was just on my way
to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a cup of
coffee first and catch up”.

Well, Amitabh Bachan is much shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he implores him to name anyone else.
“The Pope,” Amitabh Bachan replies

Sure!” says Rajini, “My folks are from Italy and I’ve known the Pope a long time”.
Rajini and Amitabh Bachan are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Rajini says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.”

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.. Sure enough, half an hour later Rajini emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

But by the time Rajini returns, he finds that Amitabh Bachan has had a
heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to Amitabh Bachan’s side,
Rajini asks him, “What happened?”

Amitabh Bachan looks up and says,
“I was doing fine until u and the pope came out on the balcony and the Italian man next to me said,

“Who’s that on the balcony with Rajni?”