Tuesday, April 7, 2020

Ouch....


A man had been in a terrible car accident, and woke up in the hospital. Looking around, he noticed a doctor leaning over his bed. "Jesus doc," the man exclaimed, "what happened. Where am I." 

The doctor replied "You have been in a bad car accident, and you're in the hospital, but don't worry, you're going to be all right. The bad news is that we had to amputate your right arm, above the elbow." 

"Oh no," the man screamed. "I'd rather be dead. I can't go through life without my arm. Please doc, kill me. I can't go on like this........" 

"Now son," said the doctor, "with the miracles of modern medicine today, we can give you a Bionic Arm. Only costs one million dollars, and it looks and works just like the real thing. Nobody will ever know it's not  your own arm." 

"Yeah, great," the man groaned. "And where the hell am I gonna get a million bucks. I'm better off dead." 

"Hang on now," said the doctor. "We've been looking for a case like yours for a while now. We just came up with a new arm. For only ten thousand dollars, you can have it. It looks just like the more expensive one, but the only difference is that this one has a small microphone built into it, and you have to TELL the arm what to do. Other than that, it works just like the other one." 

"Well," the guy says, "I can probably afford ten grand. Go ahead, sew it on." 

The next day, the guy woke up in the same bed, and saw the doctor leaning over him again. "Well, doc, how did it go? Is everything all right?" 

"We think that the operation was a success," replied the surgeon, "but you will have to try it out, and let us know if there are any problems with it." 

Later on in the day, the guy was lying in bed, practicing with his new arm. "Lift up," he commanded. The arm lifted up. "Move right." The arm moved to the right. "Move left." The arm moved to the left. Everything seemed to be working without a hitch, and he was really pleased. All of a sudden, he had the urge to go to the bathroom. 

He hopped out of bed, and proceeded into the john. "Arm, reach down and undo my zipper." The arm obeyed. "Take out my Wang." The arm obeyed flawlessly. The guy had his leak, and when he was done, he commanded, "Shake it." The arm gave it a little shake. "No, shake it harder!" The arm gave it a good shake. "Hey," the guy said, "that feels pretty good......jerk it off." 

(Ouch....)

Monday, July 11, 2016

Redlight

Boy: Let’s play the firetruck game.
Girl: How do we play?
Boy: I run my fingers up your leg, and you say “Redlight” when you want me to stop.
Girl: Okay 
*Few seconds later*
Girl: Redlight!!!
Boy: Firetrucks don’t stop for redlights 

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Life of Pi

The Director of movie 'Life of Pi', is planning 3 movies in India.

The first movie, casting Salman Khan, Vivek Oberoi and Abhishek Bachchan is titled.. 'Life Of Rai'

The Second, casting Shiny Ahuja, is ' Life Of Bai'


The Third, casting Sunny Leone is called 'Life On Char Pai' !!😜😃

सौ गुना बढ़ जाती है खूबसूरती

सौ गुना बढ़ जाती है खूबसूरती,
महज़ मुस्कराने से
फिर भी बाज नही आते लोग,
गान्ड़ सा मुँह बनाने से ।।
गांड फाड़ Joke

गली में जाते हुए भिखारी ने आवाज़ लगायी, भाभी जी, रोटी मिलेगी?
अंदर से आवाज़ आयी: बीवी घर पर नहीं है।
.
..
...
....
भिखारी: चूत नहीं मांगी मादरचोद, रोटी तो तू भी दे सकता है।


😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Loyalty Tests of men... Joke of the 2015

Test 1:
Wife buys 12 underwears of same colour for hubby.

Hubby- Why same colour sweetheart. people will think I never change my underwear.
Wife- Which people

Total silence...😐😐😐



Test 2:
A couple sees a hot girl.
Wife: So big, aren't they?
Husband: Yes
Wife: Are they artificial?
Husband: I think natural.
Wife: Ear-rings & Natural??

Total Silence 😐😐😐


Test 3:
Men will always be Men -


Once a group of men decided to go for Tirth Yatra. Their guide explained to them that they might see some ladies bathing in open and they should not get distracted at all. When they see anything like that, they should just say HARI OM and move on. Next day they started the yatra and one of the men in the group said- "HARI OM" and rest of them said- "KIDHAR HAI, KIDHAR HAI!" 😆

पर्दा प्रथा का पालन

पर्दा प्रथा का पालन करने वाले घर में शहर की एक अल्हड़ कन्या👰 का विवाह हो गया...
आंगन में सास👵 के साथ बैठकर
बतिया रही थी,
कि अचानक ससुर जी👴 को किसी काम से आंगन
की ओर आना पड़ा...
बहू के वहीं बैठे होने के कारण उन्होंने खांसकर😤
इशारा किया, ताकि बहू वहाँ से चली जाए...
लेकिन जब ससुर जी के कई बार खांसने पर भी बहू हिली, तो सास ने प्यार से बहू से कहा - बहू कमरे में जाओ,👉👰🏠 तुम्हारे ससुर जी आए हैं...
इस पर बहू ने शरमाते हुए बड़े ही भोलेपन से पूछा-��  मांजी, ससुर जी आये हैं... तो कमरे

में मैं जाऊँ या आप जाएँगी...?

SAAS/BAHU KE JHAGDE

SAAS/BAHU KE JHAGDE mein:

Saas: i have carried him for 9 months.

Bahu: only 3.5 kgs na?
I carry him every night, and he is 85 kgs now!!!
Baat karti hai. 

Ouch....

A man had been in a terrible car accident, and woke up in the hospital. Looking around, he noticed a doctor leaning over his bed. "...