British English

Due to the way our Hindi was spoken/pronounced by those British then inIndia (as examplified in Lagaan!!), see the following self-explanatory:

GANPAT RAI Bihari,(who really needs a job) is being interviewed by a BritishColonel Smith.

Col. Smith: "Haan toh Gaand Fat rahai (Ganpat Rai)!"
Bihari: "Nahi, sir, jyada nahi!"
Col. Smith: "Kya 'jyada nahi' bolta hai, tumhara application me likha huahai Gand fat rahai."
Bihari : "Theekh hai mai baap, likha hai to fat raha hoga."

Col. Smith: "Tum daily marata hai (tum Delhi me rahta hai)?"
Bihari : "Nahi sir, kabhi kabhi!"
Col. Smith: "Gand fat rahai, idhar aaoo, kya 'kabhi kabhi' bolta hai?Tumhara application mein likha hua hai ki tum daily marata hai."
Bihari : "Theek hai mai bap, likha hai to marata honga."
The Bihari was employed on one condition that he will do whatever Col.Smiths' family asks him to do.

Col. Smith: "Gand fatrahai!"
Bihari : "Ji maalik."
Col. Smith: "Aaj tum ko 3 kaam karnee kaa haai."
Bihari : "Hukum Sarkaar!"
Col. Smith: "Tum pehla hamaari beti ko chodenga (drop her off)...baad meinhamaari biwi ko chodenga...aur uske baad mein hum ko chodenga."
Bihari : "Maaf karna Sarkaar, tumhari biwi aur beti to theek hai, lekin mainaap ko nahi chod sakta."
Col.Smith: "Gand fatrahai! Tum ko hum ko chodnaa padhega."
Bihari : "Nahi sarkaar, aisa zulum naa kare."
Col. Smith: "Gand fatrahai, agar tum hum ko nahi chod sakta to hum tumkonokri se nikaal denga."
Bihari : "Theek hai, sarkaar ....jo hukum."

After a few days there is no one except Col.Smith's wife at home. She isalone in her bedroom. While wearing her bra she is unable to 'tie the knotbehind.' So...

Wife: "Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo?"
Bihariri : "Ji Maalkin."
Wife: "Gand fatrahai, hammara peeche se gaand maaro!" (gaanth maro - tie thebra knot).
Bihari : "Yeh kya keh rahi hai, Maalkin?"
Wife: "Gand fatrahai, jaldi se gaand maaro hum ko late hota hai."
Bihari : "Nahi Nahi, Maalkin. Agar maine aisa kiya to hum ko sarkar kachakha jayenge."
Wife: "Gand fatrahai, agar tumne jaldi se hamari gaand nahi maari to humtumko kacha kha jaayengi."
Bihari : "Theek hai maalkin. Jo hukum."Ganpatrai who has been frustrated by these Brits for a long time, startslike a bull.Panic stricken the wife tries to turn and shouts: "GAND FATRAHAI, GANDFATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI!"
Bihari: "Memsaab...Gaand maarega to Gaand to phatega ne!"