how rabbits eat foxes

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."
Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."
Fox: "That's ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"

They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.
Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.
Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."
Bear: "Well that's absurd !"
Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"

Scene : As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.

Moral: IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.

Management Lesson in the context of the working world: IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT

Lazy Loins

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"
Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more."
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"
Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"

The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself.


Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.

Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"
Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV.
Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"

The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.

Scene : Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.

Moral : IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

Management Lesson in the context of the working world : IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES

A blonde calls her husband on his cellphone.

A blonde calls her husband on his cellphone.
Blonde: "I've got a problem!"
Husband: "Tell me."
Blonde: "I've just bought a puzzle, but I can't solve it!"
Husband: "Is it that difficult?"
Blonde: "Yes, I don't know where to start; all pieces look similar!"
Husband: "What's the image on the cover of the box?"
Blonde: "A red cock, but I really can't solve it."
Husband: "Wait a minute, I'll be right there and we will solve it together!"
...
A few minutes later the husband walks in.
Husband: "And where is this puzzle of yours?"
Blonde: "It's right her on the table..."
Deep silence falls, and then a sigh...
Husband: "Okay, we will do the following: you'll put all cornflakes back into the box and I'll forget the complete incident."

x-ray glasses

A Blonde guy goes to the local novelty shop and finds a pair of x-ray glasses. He checks them out, but isn't fully convinced they are worth $50. The salesman assures him that they work and that $50 is a great price. The blonde decides to buy them.

On his way home, he puts on his new x-ray glasses and, bingo, he sees everyone in the street naked!

He takes them off for a moment, and everyone has their clothes on. Puts the glasses back on...everyone is naked! 'Cool!'

As he arrives back home, he is eager to show his new toy to his wife but can't find her. He goes up to the bedroom and finds his wife and some guy, naked in bed. He takes his glasses off, and the two are still naked. He puts them back on, and they are still naked.

He throws down the glasses in disgust and says, 'Damn, I just paid fifty-bucks for these, and they're already broken!'

A Blonde bought a brand new Car and decided to drive down from some
place far off, to meet this friend. She reached there in a few hours.
After spending a few days there, she decided to return, and called up
her mother to expect her in the evening. But she didn't reach home in
the evening and not the next day either.

When she finally reached home on the third day, her distraught mother
ran and asked her "What Happened?"

She got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said,
"Oy, ye these car designers, these people are crazy! They have four
gears for going forward, but only one for going back!"
 

Because she's a lesbian.

A polish man is sitting at a bar having a few drinks when he notices a very attractive lady sit down at the other end of the bar.

The polish guy calls the bartender over and says, "Whatever she is drinking give her another one and tell her it's from me."

The bartender replies, "I don't think you want to do that." "What do you mean?" yells the polish guy.

"Send her the drink!" "O.K." the bartender replies. "But I don't think it's a good idea."
"And why not?" asks the polish guy.

The bartender leans over the bar and very softly says, "Because she's a lesbian."
"I don't care, send her the drink." says the polish guy.

So after the lady gets her drink the polish guy very casually strolls
down to the other end of the bar and sits down next to her.

"Thanks for the drink," says the lady. "But I'm a Lesbian.
"Yeah, I heard," he smoothly replies.

"So what part of Lesbia are you from?"

Oshima

A Japanese family just arrived in the United states and stays at a moderate hotel in New York. As they ride up the elevator to their suite, a gentleman gets in at the next floor.

Stunned by the beauty of the Japanese daughter, the man tries to communicate with her, only to find she speaks no English. Undeterred, the man asks the father if he could take his daughter to dinner. Having some English experience from his many business trips to the states, the father communicates to the daughter and dinner plans are made.

After dinner, they head up to his suite. Well, one thing leads to another and as he starts going at it she starts moaning "Oshima!". Believing this must mean she's getting into it, he thrusts harder and harder and she is screaming "Oshima!, Oshima!!".

The next morning, the gentleman invites the father to a round of golf, knowing how much the Japanese love the sport. On the first hole, the father tees up, and nails a hole in one. Thinking quickly, the gentleman yells out "Oshima!!".

The father, with a complexed look, turns to the man and says...

"What the hell do you mean wrong hole?!"

Heaven

Three men: a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.

"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, therefore St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell."

The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' teachings," With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his
finger, the philsopher disappeared.

The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most complicated formula you can ever think of!" With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another
snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared, too.

The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!" The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat." The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?" The Devil inspected the seat and said, "The third hole from the right."

"Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my asshole." And the idiot went to Heaven.

catch my eye

A man is eating in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous blond eating at the next table. He has been checking her out all night, but lacks the nerve to go talk to her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of her socket towards the man. He reflexively grabs and snatches it out of the air.

"Oh my god, I am sooo sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you." They enjoy a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the woman invites him back to her place for a drink. They go back to her HOUSE, and after a bit she leads him into the bedroom and begins undressing him.

The couple have wild passionate sex over and over all night. The next morning when he awakens, she has already gotten up and brings him breakfast in bed. The guy is amazed.

"You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies... "You just happened to catch my eye."

SHIT

It was opening night at the Orpheum theatre and the Amazing hypnotist was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do her stuff. As the Amazing hypnotist took to the stage, she announced, ''Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.'' The excitement was almost electric as the hypnotist withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from her coat. ''I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations. ''
She began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, ''Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch.... ''.

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.


''Shit'' said the hypnotist. It took three weeks to clean up the theatre. ...

blond

4 hightech blonde inventions:---

Waterproof towel ---
Solar powered-----
flashlight---
Book on how to read ----
Pedal powered wheel chair.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why did the blonde cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
To avoid side effects.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blonde man proposed to a girl. The girl said, "I'm a year older than you."
Blonde man said, "OK, no problem, I'll marry you next year."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why was the blonde writing the exam near the door? Because it was an
entrance exam.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blonde's son: Dad, there is some one at the door collecting
donations for a swimming pool.
Blonde dad: Give him a glass of water.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blonde:I am a proud father, my son is in medical college.
Redhead: Really, what is he studying?
Blonde: He is not studying, they are studying him.

Pakistan beggars

Parvinder and Habib are beggars in UK. They beg in different areas of London.
Habib begs just as long as Parvinder but only collects £2 to £3 every day.
Parvinder brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes,
lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Habib says to Parvinder 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do
you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?'

Parvinder says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'?
Habib's sign reads 'I have no work. I have a wife and 6 kids to support'.

Parvinder says 'No wonder you only get £2- £3

Habib says... 'So what does your sign say'?
Parvinder shows his sign....

It reads, 'I only need another £100 to move back to Pakistan '.

Stupid Blonde

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.

Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in $100 bills.

Next, there's a knock at the door, so he answers it!

Standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb, and hang him by the neck until he's dead.

As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods. It's the two blonde genies!

One blonde genie says to the other, "I can understand the first wish--having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire. But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me."

***************************************************************************************

A Blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her. She goes out
and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment that same day, and, sure enough,
when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
She becomes extremely angry. She opens her purse and pulls out the gun
to shoot him, but she's suddenly overcome with grief.
She puts the gun up to the side her head. Her boyfriend yells "Honey,
don't do it." She replies "Shut up, you're next."

***************************************************************
A Blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a T.G.I.F. tee-shirt.
"Why are you wearing a Thank God it's Friday tee-shirt on Monday?"
"Oh shit!" the blonde says,
"I thought it meant Tits Go In Front."

rednecks jokes

    A REDNECK FROM GEORGIA DECIDES TO TRAVEL ACROSS THE SOUTH TO VIRGINIA TO SEE GOD'S COUNTRY.

WHEN HE GETS TO FRANKLIN, HE LIKES THE PLACE SO MUCH THAT HE DECIDES TO
STAY.  BUT FIRST HE MUST FIND A JOB!!!!

HE WALKS INTO THE INTERNATIONAL PAPER COMPANY OFFICE AND FILLS OUT AN
APPLICATION AS AN EXPERIENCED LOG INSPECTOR. IT'S HIS LUCKY DAY!!!  THEY

JUST HAPPEN TO BE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE, BUT FIRST, THE LOG FOREMAN TAKES
HIM FOR A RIDE INTO THE FOREST IN THE COMPANY PICKUP TRUCK TO SEE HOW MUCH HE KNOWS.

THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND POINTS AT A
TREE. "SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE?  I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT SPECIES IT IS AND HOW MANY BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IT CONTAINS."

THE REDNECK PROMPTLY ANSWERS, "THAT THAR'S A WHITEPINE, 383 BOARD FEET
OF LUMBER IN 'ER."

THE FOREMAN IS IMPRESSED!!!  HE PUTS THE TRUCK IN MOTION AND STOPS ABOUT
A MILE DOWN THE ROAD.  HE POINTS AT ANOTHER TREE THROUGH THE PASSENGER
WINDOW AND ASKS THE SAME QUESTION.  THIS TIME, IT'S A BIGGER TREE OF A
DIFFERENT CLASS.

"THAT'S A LOBLOLLY PINE AND SHE'S GOT ABOUT 456 CLEAR BOARD FEET."

THE FOREMAN IS REALLY IMPRESSED WITH THE GOOD OL' BOY, HE HAS BEEN QUICK
AND GOT THE ANSWERS RIGHT WITHOUT USING A CALCULATOR!!!!

ONE MORE TEST. THEY DRIVE A LITTLE FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD, AND THE
FOREMAN STOPS AGAIN. THIS TIME, HE POINTS ACROSS THE ROAD THROUGH HIS DRIVER SIDE WINDOW AND SAYS, "AND WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE?"

BEFORE THE FOREMAN FINISHES POINTING, THE REDNECK SAYS, "WHITE OAK, 242
BOARD FEET AT BEST."

THE FOREMAN SPINS THE TRUCK AROUND AND HEADS BACK TO THE OFFICE A LITTLE

TICKED OFF BECAUSE HE THINKS THE RED NECK IS SMARTER THAN HE IS. AS THEY

NEAR THE OFFICE, THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK AND ASKS BUBBA TO STEP
OUTSIDE.

HE HANDS HIM A PIECE OF CHALK AND TELLS HIM, "SEE THAT TREE OVER
THERE?" "I WANT YOU TO MARK AN X ON THE FRONT OF THAT TREE!!"

THE FOREMAN THINKS TO HIMSELF, "IDIOT, HOW WOULD HE KNOW WHICH IS THE
FRONT OF THE TREE?"

WHEN BUBBA REACHES THE TREE, HE GOES AROUND IT IN A CIRCLE WHILE LOOKING
AT THE GROUND. HE THEN REACHES UP AND PLACES A WHITE X ON THE TRUNK.

HE WALKS BACK TO THE FOREMAN AND HANDS HIM THE CHALK. "THAT THAR'S THE
FRONT," THE REDNECK SAYS.

THE FOREMAN LAUGHS TO HIMSELF AND ASKS SARCASTICALLY, "HOW IN THE HELL
DO YOU KNOW THAT'S THE FRONT OF THE TREE?"

THE GOOD OL' BOY LOOKS DOWN AT HIS FEET, WHILE RUBBING THE TOE OF HIS
LEFT BOOT CLEANING IT IN THE GRAVEL AND REPLIES, "CUZ SOMEBODY TOOK A POOP BEHIND IT!"

HE GOT THE JOB AND IS NOW THE FOREMAN!!!!!

A male-to-female transexual

A male-to-female transexual was being interviewed on a radio talk show.
The DJ asked the transexual "What sort of pain did you experience
during the operation?"

The transexual replied, "Well, when they cut my penis off, that really
didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. Then they implanted the
breasts in my chest, well, that really didn't hurt too much either..."

"Then you didn't experience any real physical pain at all then?"

"You're joking! What really hurt was when they removed half my brain
and doubled the size of my mouth!

only one for going back

A Blonde bought a brand new Car and decided to drive down from some
place far off, to meet this friend. She reached there in a few hours.
After spending a few days there, she decided to return, and called up
her mother to expect her in the evening. But she didn't reach home in
the evening and not the next day either.

When she finally reached home on the third day, her distraught mother
ran and asked her "What Happened?"

She got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said,
"Oy, ye these car designers, these people are crazy! They have four
gears for going forward, but only one for going back!"

Death and taxes

Death and taxes are inevitable; at least death doesn't get
worse every year.
---------------------------------------------

Can you guess which of the following are True or False?

1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up
in the morning.

2. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.

3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every
10 years.

4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being
indoors a lot more.

5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your
heart!

6. Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.

7. Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every
minute.

8. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until
they are 2-6 years old.

9. The average person over 50 will have spent 5 years waiting
in lines.

10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.

11. The average housefly lives for one month.

12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.

13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.

14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.

15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time
of day.

16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.

17. The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is
to search for water.

18. The only two animals that can see behind themselves without
turning their heads are the rabbit and the parrot.

19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer
and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie."

20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State
anthem.

21. Most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of
white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.

22. Prince Charles and Prince William never travel on the same
airplane, just in case there is a crash.

23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a
tomato can for a carburetor.

24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords
cut from women who give birth. They are used in vein
transplant surgery.

25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were
7th cousins.

26. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.

All of the above are supposedly true.
-----------------------------------------------------

Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host,
preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My
Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all
these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet
names."

Morris hung his head and whispered - "To tell the truth, I forgot her name
three years ago!"
---------------------------------------------------------

What with all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the
moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person
which almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry La Prise, the man who wrote the song "The Hokey Pokey," died
peacefully at age 93.

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the
coffin. They put his left leg in ...

... and then the trouble started.

how many women have you slept with?

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.

"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"

"Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit".

Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.

"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car.

The only thing he said was, "F.F."

His wife turned to him and answered, "E.F."

Out on the highway, he said, "F.F."

She responded simply, "E.F."

He repeated, "F.F."

She again replied, "E.F."

"Mom! Dad!" their son yelled. "What's going on?"

Bad Bernie answered, "Your mother wants to eat first!"

Little Jokes

Little Lalloo was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. 'Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?' he asked his mother. 'He thinks a lot,' replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness. Or she was until little Lalloo thought for a second and asked, 'So why do you have so much hair?'


PAYING BILLS
Two guys robbed a rob a bank and mess it up, managing to escape with two sacks that they find on the floor. And they take one sack each. After awhile they meet again and one asks the other, 'What did you find in your sack?' 'Ten lakh Rupees!' 'Wow.... that's a lot! What did you do with the cash?' 'I bought a house. How about your sack?' 'Bah... it was full of bills.' 'And what did you do with them?' 'Eh, well... little by little, I'm paying them off...'

RAILWAY STATION
Three professors had walked down to the train station from the University. They were so absorbed in their conversation that they didn't hear the train arrive, but they did notice the noise of the train as it started to depart. After a desperate rush two of them manage to scramble onboard. The third looked sad and a passing railway official said, 'Don't feel bad, atleast two out of three of you made it.' 'True…', sighed the professor, 'But the other two were only here to see me off!'

WHAT A DREAM
Wife: I dreamed you gave me $100 for summer clothes last night. You wouldn't spoil that dream, would you, Dear? Husband: Of course not, Darling. You may keep the $100.


Captain Ronald
Could you please tell me the condition of Captain Ronald in Room No. 605? He was operated upon last week and I'd like to know his condition.' The nurse excused herself and then returned to the phone. 'I have just checked Captain Ronald's chart. His condition is excellent and he seems to be making steady improvement. Who shall I say called?' 'This is Captain Ronald in room. No.605. my doctors don't tell me a thing!

MARRYING DAUGHTER
Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding: "as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."


MUNDAN
This leave letter is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days."

LEAVE APPLICATION
Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows: 'Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.'

DOUGHNUT
Customer: Waitress, why is my doughnut all smashed? Waitress: You said you wanted a cup of coffee and a doughnut, and step on it.

PIANO
Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar chalta tha, woh kya soch raha hoga....think............."SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI"


COINCIDENCE
TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?" STUDENT: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."


GIRLISH FIGURE
'So you met Suneeta today?' 'Yes, I hadn't seen her for eight years. 'Has she kept her girlish figure?' 'Kept it? She doubled it.'


STRANGE SOCKS
TEACHER: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots! BALGOBIN: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.


GEORGE WASHINGTON
TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?" BALGOBIN: "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"


GO SLOW
TEACHER: Why are you late? BALGOBIN: Because of the sign. TEACHER: What sign? BALGOBIN: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."


DRUNK ?
Nelson got arrested and was brought before the Judge. 'Who brought you in?' asked the Judge. 'Two policemen, Sir.' 'Drunk, I assume?' 'Both of them, Your Honour, both of them.'


HIT BACK
The scene in the film was tense and the audience sat enthralled. Suddenly, the hero slapped the heroine on the face. In the silence that followed, a young voice piped up: 'Why doesn't she hit back like you do, mummy?'

Stupid jokse

There's a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know
which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see
how each of them spends it.

The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money.
She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the
works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look
pretty for you because I love you so much."

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a
television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I
bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so
much."

The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market,
doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and
reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the
money for our future because I love you so much."

The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent
the money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.

_____________________*****************______________________________

When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor.
Does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way
or does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's way?

*************************************************

saleswoman was traveling along this Arkansas road when her car broke down near a farmhouse. She went to the farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could put her up for the night until her car was fixed.

"Sure," he said, "but you have to sleep with my son because we only have two bedrooms. By the way, he suffers from tight skin."
She asked if it was contagious and he said no, so they went to sleep.
When she woke up in the morning the bed was full of crap, and she screamed. The farmer came running into the room and asked what was wrong.

"This bed is full of shit!" she yelled.
"I told you last night that he suffered from tight skin," said the farmer.
"Just what the hell is tight skin, anyway?" she asked.
The farmer said, "When he closes his eyes his asshole opens up!"

Jokes for Thursday Mad Cows

Mad Cows Two cows are chatting in a field. One says to the other, "Are you worried by this mad cow disease?"
The second cow says, "It doesn't affect me - I'm a rabbit!"

**********************************
Noisy Neighbor Young Jock McTavish from Glasgow went to study at a university in England and was living in the hall of residence. After a week his mother rang him. "How do you get along with the other students, Jock?" she asked.

"Well," he replied, "they are terribly noisy people. The one on one side keeps banging his head on the wall. The one on the other side screams all night."

"Oh Jock!" said his mother. "How do you manage to put up with such noisy neighbours?"

"I don't do anything. I just sit here quietly, playing my bagpipes!"

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Blonde's Headset A hairdresser was trying to cut a blonde's hair but, because she refused to take off the headset of her iPod, he found his task very difficult. Finally, exasperated, he pulled off the handset and she collapsed on the floor.

An ambulance rushed her to hospital but too late, she was dead. The hairdresser felt very bad about this but wondered what she was listening to.

He put on the headset and heard the words, "Breathe in....breathe out....breathe in....!"

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Paddy's Wood Paddy Fitzgerald had worked in a timber yard for five years and all that time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent.

He told the priest. "Father, it's five years since my last confession, and I've been stealing wood from the timber yard all that time."

"I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?"

Fitzgerald said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the timber!"