Monday, August 9, 2010

wife may

An armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

On his way out the door with the loot, one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.

The robber shoots the guy without hesitation!

He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.

One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him also.

Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.

"Did anyone else see my face?" calls the robber.

There are a few moments of silence...then one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says: 'I think me wife may have caught a glimpse ....'

Cannibal Restaurant

Cannibal Restaurant...
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant
operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling
somewhat hungry, he walked in, sat down and looked over the menu...

Raw Tourist: $5
Broiled Missionary: $10.00
Fried Explorer: $15.00
Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00

The guy called his Friend over and asked, 'Why such a huge price
difference for the politicians?'
The cook replied, 'Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full
of crap, it takes all morning'.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Much harder

An older couple are playing in the annual golf club championship. They 
are playing in a playoff hole and the championship comes down to a 6
inch putt which the wife has to make.

The woman is trembling as she takes her stance. Then, she putts and...
misses. They lose the match.
On the way home in the car, the woman's husband is fuming,
"I cannot believe you missed that putt! That putt was no longer than my dick!"
The woman looks over at her husband, smiles and replies,
"Yes dear, but it was much harder!"

Women are extremely determined

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large

metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will

find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The  agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said,

"You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were

heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and

there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "This gun was loaded with false bullets" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair!!"

MORAL: Women are extremely determined.. Don't mess with them?


A man had been in a terrible car accident, and woke up in the hospital. Looking around, he noticed a doctor leaning over his bed. "...