Monday, April 20, 2009

GIRLS DIARY V/S BOYS DIARY

HER DIARY

Day night, I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.


I asked him what was wrong - he said,

"Nothing."I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me
and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his
behavior; I don't know

why he didn't say,

"I love u,too."When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there and watched TV.;

he seemed distant and absent.Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore,

so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.



HIS DIARY


Today India lost the cricket match

against bangladesh .

DAMN IT.



NOW that's called

Simplicity of Men
Vs
Complexity of Women !!!

Management Theory - "thats intelligence"

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his Customer,
"This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."


The barber puts a five rupee coin in one hand and two one rupee coins(1+1=2) in the other,
then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"


The boy takes the two one rupee coins and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of
the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question?
Why did you take two one rupee coins instead of five rupee coin?"

The boy licked his cone and replied,
"Because THE DAY I TAKE THE FIVE RUPEE COIN, THE GAME IS OVER




Moral: When you think the other person is dumb,
you are making a fool of yourself.

!!Women!!

A woman parked her brand-new Lexus in front of her
office ready to show it off to her colleagues. As
she got out, a truck passed too close and completely
tore off the door on the driver's side.

The woman immediately grabbed her cell phone, dialled
911,and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before
the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the
woman started screaming hysterically. Her Lexus, which
she had just picked up the day before, was now
completely ruined and would never be the same, no
matter what the body shop did to it.

When the woman finally wound down from her ranting
and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust
and disbelief.

"I can't believe how materialistic you women are," he
said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you
don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the woman.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is
missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn
off when the truck hit you."


"OH MY GOD!" screamed the woman. "Where's my new
bracelet? :D :D

Softwarism.........ultimate!!!

Chandrababuism

You have two cows in Vijayawada. You hook them to internet and milk them from Hyderabad .

Jayalalithaism
You have two cows. You teach them to cry,"Ammaaaaaaa..."
and fall at your feet.

Karunanidhiism
You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your nephew .
.
Gandhism
You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.

Indiraism
You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.

Lalooism
You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.

Rajnikantism
You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.

Sardarism
You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.

Softwarism: (Ultimate....)
Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them.
1 .. First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)
2 .. Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)
3 .. Then prepare how to milk them (Design)
4 .. Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them
(Framework)
5 .. Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client
the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)
6 .. If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7 You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem
with accessories. (Change framework)
8 .. Redo step 4
9 .. At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)
10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)
11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.
12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from
bulls
13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)
14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)
15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk
16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow
rate (performance issue)
17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.
18. Client is happy???
By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk.
(The software got old and get ready for next release
repeat from step 1)

Awesome !!

First-year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered by a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and sucked on his finger.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.




When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

Cheers!!!

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the

glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams If I

didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.

Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than

be selfish and worry about my liver."

~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good

as they're going to feel all day. "

~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."

~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep,

we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and

go to heaven!"

~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you

that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."

~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over

again that you love them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!

~ Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.

Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest

buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that

are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general

speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest

brain cells.

Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest

and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker

brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

Smart MOM...

A Mom comes to visit her son Kunal for dinner.....who lives with a girl roommate Sunita.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kunal's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kunal and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Kunal volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Sunita came to Kunal saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney jar. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Kunal said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the chutney jar. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
Kunal

Several days later, Kunal received an email from his Mother which read

Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now under the pillow...

Love,
Mom.
.
.
.
.
.
Lesson of the day: Don't Lie to Your Mother...........especially if she is Indian