Apology letter

Deer sur,

If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I big you pardon, ass I am not a good englis speaker.

This is my fist vijit to Bombai. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly,but for the following region, too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment.

I tolded I has head ache problem due to migration. Still the clerk rejected to give ticket to I and my sun.

I putted a complain on station masterji.

He said I to go to the lady clerk.

At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally with great difficulty she gave a birth to my sun.

Anyway I thanked the station master also because he was phully responsible for getting birth of my sun.

Ass a hole it was a bhery diphicult experiment in my hole life.

I hope u will look into explain my hole story after,and late me joint first.

I am now ending this fastly. I am a waiter for your responsement.

May God blast you!"


Yours awfully,
A.YADAV

Laloo and piglet

One day Laloo was traveling by car. He was going to a village for campaigning . Suddenly a piglet came across the car, the driver couldn't hit the brake in time and the baby pig was killed in the accident . At this sight, Laloo was deeply moved and felt very upset. He called the driver and said ,"Jiska e suuar hai hum usko compensesan dena chahta hoon . Usko dhundke lav ".

The driver went to the nearest village and came back after some time with a tilak on his forehead, garlands around his neck and lots of money in his hands!!!

Laloo was surprised . He asked ,"Hum tumko kaha tha ke uss aadmi ko laiye , aur tum aise wapas aaye ho! baat kya hai?"

At this the driver replied " I told them about the incident .. Hearing it they were rejoiced , put tilak and garlands on me, then danced for some time and gave me this money."

Laloo then asked him "Tum unko egjactly kaa bole?"

The driver replied :

"Main bola, MAIN Laloo Prasad Yadav KA DRIVER HOON , MAINE SUAAR KE BACHHE KO MAR DALA HAI......... ."

U JUST CANT STOP LAUGHING

Conductor: baccha ko ticket ?
Rajsthani lady :- iko bhi lagego ke ? yo tho abaar bobo chuse hai.
Conductor:- bobo tho iko baap bhi chuse hai. To uke bhi free me bitha lu
+++++++++++++++
Sardar running behind bus, and finaly catches it n asked driver,
ye bus teri ma lagti hai ?Nahi.
Behan lagti? Nahi…
biwi ? nahi.
Tho sala chadne kyu nahi deta
++++++++++++++++++=
Girl hostel me phone aaya- meena hai kya ?
Warden ne pucha-piche kya lagati hai ?
Jawab aaya-ab tho pata nahi pehle whisper lagati thi
+++++++++++++++++++
Husband:- ne sasural me biwi se : chalo sex karte hain
Biwi : nahi ye mere baap ka ghar hai
Husband :- tho kya mere baap ka ghar randi khana hai jo to roz Taiyar ho jati hai
++++++++++++++
Sardar go 4 sex with wife
Wife – please aaj mat karo, mera upwas hai..
Sardar gusse se => bhenchod mere lund pe kya aata laga hai, Jo upwas tut jayega
+++++++++++++++
Suhagrat ko pati ne patni se pucha “ kya mehsus kar rahi ho ?”
Patni = aaj tak top_up me kam chalate the aaj se life time karwa liya
++++++++++++++++=
Hone wali bahu ko dekhne aaye sasur ne kaha beti chai aati hai.
Ladki boli chutiye mujhe abhi tak dudh nahi aata. Chai kya ghanta aayegi
+++++++++++++++++
Nasbandi ki team ko dubara apne village me dekh kar ek budha bola, “ in logo ne connection to pahle hi kat diya tha. Ab kya handset bhi le jayege.?
++++++++++++++++++
Women’s life is very hard –
morning –
wash clothes, Noon –
dry clothes, Evening- iron clothes,
Night – open clothes,
Late night-search clothes...........
++++++++++++++++++++++
Ek budha blue film dekhte huyejor se haath ko jatka dene laga
Ladka- kya hua baba ?
Baba- kya hona hai, 30 saal bad khada hua tho Aaj haath so gaya..

British English

Due to the way our Hindi was spoken/pronounced by those British then inIndia (as examplified in Lagaan!!), see the following self-explanatory:

GANPAT RAI Bihari,(who really needs a job) is being interviewed by a BritishColonel Smith.

Col. Smith: "Haan toh Gaand Fat rahai (Ganpat Rai)!"
Bihari: "Nahi, sir, jyada nahi!"
Col. Smith: "Kya 'jyada nahi' bolta hai, tumhara application me likha huahai Gand fat rahai."
Bihari : "Theekh hai mai baap, likha hai to fat raha hoga."

Col. Smith: "Tum daily marata hai (tum Delhi me rahta hai)?"
Bihari : "Nahi sir, kabhi kabhi!"
Col. Smith: "Gand fat rahai, idhar aaoo, kya 'kabhi kabhi' bolta hai?Tumhara application mein likha hua hai ki tum daily marata hai."
Bihari : "Theek hai mai bap, likha hai to marata honga."
The Bihari was employed on one condition that he will do whatever Col.Smiths' family asks him to do.

Col. Smith: "Gand fatrahai!"
Bihari : "Ji maalik."
Col. Smith: "Aaj tum ko 3 kaam karnee kaa haai."
Bihari : "Hukum Sarkaar!"
Col. Smith: "Tum pehla hamaari beti ko chodenga (drop her off)...baad meinhamaari biwi ko chodenga...aur uske baad mein hum ko chodenga."
Bihari : "Maaf karna Sarkaar, tumhari biwi aur beti to theek hai, lekin mainaap ko nahi chod sakta."
Col.Smith: "Gand fatrahai! Tum ko hum ko chodnaa padhega."
Bihari : "Nahi sarkaar, aisa zulum naa kare."
Col. Smith: "Gand fatrahai, agar tum hum ko nahi chod sakta to hum tumkonokri se nikaal denga."
Bihari : "Theek hai, sarkaar ....jo hukum."

After a few days there is no one except Col.Smith's wife at home. She isalone in her bedroom. While wearing her bra she is unable to 'tie the knotbehind.' So...

Wife: "Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo?"
Bihariri : "Ji Maalkin."
Wife: "Gand fatrahai, hammara peeche se gaand maaro!" (gaanth maro - tie thebra knot).
Bihari : "Yeh kya keh rahi hai, Maalkin?"
Wife: "Gand fatrahai, jaldi se gaand maaro hum ko late hota hai."
Bihari : "Nahi Nahi, Maalkin. Agar maine aisa kiya to hum ko sarkar kachakha jayenge."
Wife: "Gand fatrahai, agar tumne jaldi se hamari gaand nahi maari to humtumko kacha kha jaayengi."
Bihari : "Theek hai maalkin. Jo hukum."Ganpatrai who has been frustrated by these Brits for a long time, startslike a bull.Panic stricken the wife tries to turn and shouts: "GAND FATRAHAI, GANDFATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI!"
Bihari: "Memsaab...Gaand maarega to Gaand to phatega ne!"