Saturday, May 31, 2008

Petrol rate

After filling petrol in the vechile the boy told that petrol rates are changing over night,by hearing this the vechile owner told to fill the tank.

After filling while going the owner asked how much rate is increasing to that the boy replied that the rate is decreesing by 50 paise.

Sir! Can I help you

On our last venture out for Christmas shopping, we had bought a few gadgets for the younguns and then realized we didn't have any batteries.

I stepped over to the counter to get the batteries, but I couldn't attract any clerk's attention. I waited a while then said to son, "I'll get someone's attention. Stay right here." With that, I pulled out a tape measured.

I just happened to have with me, and started to "measure" one of those large screen plasma television sets. You know, the ones that go for about $4000.

Amazingly, a clerk almost leap-frogged over several pieces of furniture to reach my side.

"Sir! Can I help you?" he exclaimed.

"Yeah, you can. I'll take 8 of those batteries over there."

NASA verses USSR

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity

read more | digg story

Friday, May 30, 2008

What is the difference between girls aged

What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68?

At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 - If you take her to bed, that all be a story!!

NASA verses USSR

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 degrees Celsius.

The Russians used a pencil.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

I bet u cannot resist laughing .. Joke of the day

Once Santa & Banta were traveling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi, on a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers.

Santa and his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing.

Now, this boss was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if one single person doesn't laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death.

Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, "One day........." and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, the boss shot poor Banta.

Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including the boss & his robbers, but still Santa was quite as a statue. So the boss shot him.

Then came Jaggi. As he opened his mouth to tell the joke, Santa suddenly burst into laughter. Everyone was puzzled. Santa was laughing madly.

The boss asked him, "Why the hell are you laughing without hearing the joke?"

Santa said laughing and giggling, "Oh! How funny Banta's joke was!"

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Chaman Bhai

Ek area mein Bhai rehta hai, Chaman Bhai..

Ab uskey area mein jo bhi koi lafda hota hai to police se pehle Chaman Bhai ki adalat mein jaata hai....Ek baar Chaman Bhai ke area mein rape ho jata hai, aur jisney game bajayi hoti hai ukso pakad ke Chaman Bhai ke paas leke jatey hain...

Chaman Bhai pehley to bahut shanti se style mein us sey baat kartahai... kuch is tarah se...

Chaman : Kya re ? Tere ko maloom nahi yeh apun ka area hai?
Mujrim : Haan maloom hai na bhai.

Chaman : Phir kaisey himmat ki rape karne ki apun ke area mein?
Mujrim : Ab kya boloon bhai, kismat kharab thi.

Chaman : Chal mere ko sub kuch sach sach bata kya aur kaisey hua?
Mujrim : Abhi kya na... Idhar naake pe apun paan khaney ke liyeaaya...

Chaman : Phir ?
Murjim : Apun khade hokey paan kharela tha... aur utney mein samney wali building pe apun ki nazar gayi...

Chaman : Aage bol
Mujrim : Udhar teesrey maaley pe ek chikni khadi hui thi

Chaman : Phir kya hua ?
Mujrim : Apun ko aisa laga ke usney ishaara kiya aaney ke liye..

Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ?
Mujrim : Apun socha ke kuch kaam hoyenga usko.... to apun builidngke neeche gaya

Chaman : Phir ?
Mujrim : Usney Isharey se apun ko upar bulaaya... apun seedi chadteyehich sochrela tha "
Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karneka"

Chaman : Chal fatafat aagey bol
Mujrim : Apun ne usko jaakey bola.... kya kaam hai.. kaiko isharakiya apun ko?

Chaman : Phir ?
Mujrim : Phir kya bhai, apun ko usney ghar ke andar kheech liya

Chaman : (Excited) Phir ?
Mujrim : Apun ghar me to chala gaya lekin soch raha tha ki "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Aagey bol
Mujrim : Usney apun ka haath pakad liya

Chaman : Accha... Phir?
Mujrim : Sachchi bolta hai bhai haath pakadtey hi apun phir socha"Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Phir kya hua ?
Mujrim : Phir kya tha... Usney bola chikney meri pyaas bujha de

Chaman : Phir tu kya bola (Getting Excited) ?
Mujrim : Apun kya bolta, usne a! pna duppata neechey gira diya

Chaman : To phir kya hua ?
Mujrim : Apun ke dimag ki dahi ho gaya, kya mommey (boobs) theysaali ke...lekin bhai phir bhi apun socha "Chaman Bhai ka areahai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ?
Mujrim : Apun bola ek-do kiss karega aur chala jayega..... zyadaboli to body kaam karenga lekin engine nahi kholney ka.... Aakhir,"Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Toh phir ?
Mujrim : Usney apun ko kheech liya.... sacchi bolta hai bhai aisikatil jawaani apun akkhi life me nahi dekha.

Chaman : Haan, woh to hai.... Tu aage bol (Starts to heat up)
Mujrim : Phir kya tha.... apun ne kiss kiya, mommey (boobs) bhidabaya.... lekin imaan se bolta hai, soch raha tha "Chaman Bhai kaarea hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Aagey bol ?
Mujrim : Phir usney apni kameez utar di

Chaman : Phir ?
Mujrim : Phir salwar, lekin apun ke dil me ekich khayal aa raha tha"Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Aagey aagey ?
Mujrim : phir blouse aur chaddi saali ne sab utar di

Chaman : sahi mein?
Mujrim : phir meri pant keech li

Chaman : Accha ?
Mujrim : meri underwear mein haath dal diya

Chaman : oh !!
Mujrim : chaddi utar di meri, lekin apun phir bhi socha "Chaman Bhaik! a area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : (Getting frustrated)..
Mujrim : Phir woh haath phiraaney lagi

Chaman : (Half Boiling)
Mujrim : phir mooh ghumaaney lagi..... phir bhi apun yehi soch rahatha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman: (About to blast) Aagey... aagey bol saley....
Mujrim: Chumney Chatney lagi bhaaaaiiii.....lekin bhai kasamse......main yehi soch raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafdanahi karne ka"

Chaman: Abey teri to.... Chaman Bhai Gaya Maa Chudaney..... tu aagebol !
Mujrim : Yehich...... yehich - apun ne bhi yehi socha bhai.....aurgame baja dala.!!!


Two guys were talking at work.

"I've got a problem," said the first one.

"What is it?""My wife has done it to me again. I'm supposed to buy my mother-in- law apresent for her birthday, from the two of us. And, I am fresh out of ideas. I mean, it's HER mother, why can't she buy it?"

"What did you buy her last year?" the other one asked.

"Last year I bought her a VERY EXPENSIVE cemetery plot."

"Hmmmm, hard to top that one," said the other.The two guys couldn't come up with anything. So the son-in-law didn't buy his mother-in-law anything for her birthday.When the big day arrived the next weekend, she was a bit upset. At the family gathering for her birthday, she announced out loud to everyone, Thank you all for the wonderful gifts.

Too bad my daughter and son-in-law weren't so thoughtful!"Thinking quickly, the son-in-law responded, "Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year!"

NewlyWed couple

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So he said to his new wife,"Honey, I'll be right back..."

"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" askedthe wife.

"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer. "

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to there frigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan,India, etc. The husband didn't know what to do and the only thing that hecould think of saying was

"Yes, loolie loolie...but at the know...they have frozen glasses..." He didn't get to finish the sentence because the wife interrupted him by saying.

"You want a frozen glass puppy face?" She took a huge beer mug out of thefreezer so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband looking a bit pale said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...I won't be long. I'llbe right back. I promise. OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 15 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings,pigs in a blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

"But sweet honey... atthebar... you know... there's swearing dirty words and all that..." "You want dirty words cutie pie?...


A**HOLE?" .... and they lived happily ever after.

What every kiss means

Kiss on the stomach = I'm ready~
Kiss on the Forehead = I hope we're together forever~
Kiss on the Ear = Your my everything~
Kiss on the Cheek = You look so cute~
Kiss on the Hand = I adore you~
Kiss on the Neck = We belong together~
Kiss on the Shoulder = I want you~
Kiss on the Lips = I love you

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

This is a good one!!!! Adult humor, of course

George has decided to get married but not just to anybody. He wants to marry a virgin, a good girl that hasn't fooled around and won't ever. After a bit of thinking, he makes up this scheme to tell "good girls" from "bad girls".

One day as he's going down the street he spots Janice one of the three young women on his "eligible" list. He walks right up to her pulls down his pants and flashes her.

"Well, Janice" he says is, "what do you reckon this is?"

"Why it's a dick of course" replies Janice instantly. Obviously Janice has been with men before thinks George and he cuts her off the list. Next on the list is Christine. After finding her he goes on and flashes her too.

"Tell me Christine what do you think this is?"

"It's your dick George," answers Christine. Off the list goes Christine. His final hope is in Mary. He finds her and proceeds to the flashing.

"Mary, what do you think this is?" asks George. Mary looks at his dick for a whole minute then finally answers.

"I honestly don't know George, I'm sorry.

"ARE YOU SURE?" asks George again unbelieving.

"Here study it all you want just be sure." Mary takes her time and studies George's organ for a full quarter of an hour.

"Sorry George I still can't tell what it could possibly be."

George is thrilled, and proposes to her. A few weeks later they are married. It's their first night together. They both go to bed naked and George feels it's time to explain a few things to his wife.

"Mary I'm going to learn you something very important. See this thing here between my legs. That's a dick."THAT is a dick?" gasps Mary.

"You should see John's!"

Stupid Questions With Smart Answers

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comesout of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty.
Andy says I'm ugly.
What do u think Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

Teacher : "Now Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of CO-INCIDENCE? "
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."

Son: Is it true Dad, I heard that in parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country son.

Female Comebacks!

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked I'd probably die laughing.

Man: I can't get you out of my mind.
Women: You are out of your mind.

Man: You are my baby.
Women: Right, You are old enough to be by grand dad.

Man: You took my breath away.
Women: How come you're still breathing.

Man: You took my breath away.
Women: Impossible since you have bad breath.

the expiry date

Wife: Honey...... What are you looking for?
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour...??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

Hindi Adult Non Veg Sexy Jokes Part-6

Why did Santa Singh take his pregnant wife to " PIZZA HUT "
Because they advertised "FREE DELIVERY "
>What is a difference between Personal & Private Secretary?
Private Secretary says `Morning Sir !!`
whereas Personal Secretary says `It's Morning Sir !!`
Boy: " Pura andar gaya ?"
Madam: "Haan gaya .."
Boy: " Dard hua kya ?"
Madam: "Bahut hua "
Boy: " Chalo doosra sandal try kartay hai madam! "
A man is dying of cancer. His son asked,"Dad, why u keep telling people u r dying of AIDS ? "
Dad :" So when i m dead No one will dare FUCK your Mom ! "
Why do orgasms exisit ?
Because people wouldn`t know when to stop fucking!!!!!!
Woman being Raped, calls the Police over the phone & says :
"helloooh, ooh, uuhaah, yes, uoah, this man is raping me, aah oyes, aahh, can u come & arrest him TOMORROW!!!
Man collides. His elbow hits lady's boob.
Man: " If ur heart is as soft as ur boob,than I'm sure u'll forgive me."
Lady:" If ur penis is as hard as ur elbow, than I'm in room no. 104. "
The F rules:
Find her
Friend her
Flirt her
French her
Fondle her
Finger her
Fuck her
Forget her
Find next..!
What is the difference between a watch & a girl?
Jadon watch kharaab hundi hai tan band ho jaandi hai:
Lekin Jadon Girl kharaab hundi hai tan chaaloo ho jaandi hai.......!!!
Pussy Pussy don't go far
Let me rub u in Salwaar,
Up above the legs so high,
Always juicy never dry,
Let me fuck u don't feel shy,
Come on baby, just one try.
Man to Wife on Wedding night:"r u sure i'm the first man u have slept with?"
"of course Honey,I stayed awake with all the others!!!!!"
7 Lies of MAN:--
1. Let's be friends.
2. We will only talk.
3. I will only kiss u.
4. Only buttons not the bra.
5. I'll not suck ur boobs.
6. I'll not insert.
7. I love U.
Arz hai....
College se nikalte hi kitaabain seenay se laga leti ho,
Hum kya marr gaye jo khud hi daba leti ho !!!!
Womens Prayer::
O holy men lay down with me on a holy bed
Let ur holy pole enter my holy hole
So that ur holy water can produce a holy soul. Aaaah.. Men!!!!!
Iss nav warsh main aapko saandh ki shakti, raand ki bhakti, osama
ki bhudhi, Raveena ki fuddi, sex ka gyan, boobs ka dhyaan, land ki
lambaai, choot ki garmai prapt ho....!
People live, people die
people laugh, people cry
some give up, some will try
some say hi, some say bye
other may forget you
but never will i !
What do u usually say after sex?
I luv u!...........wrong!
That was great!..........wrong again!
I luv it!........wrong again!
the answer is :" mera kacha kithe?"
Woman complaining to Dentist: "I'd rather get pregnant than have a tooth filled !"
Dentist: "Decide so i can adjust the chair accordingly..."
Bhagwaan (god) sabse zyada kab khush hote hain?
When a girl is getting raped & she screams."

What did Carefree tell to Nirodh?
"Boss, if u fail both of us will be out of business!"
A lady lost her 3 panties in her house.
She asked her husband , but he didn't know.
Husband asked the maid.
Maid replied:" saab aapko toh maaloom hai main kachhi nahin pahenti !!!!!!!! "
Woh raat Diwali wali thi,
woh piya se chudne wali thi,
Koi aur hi aake chod gaya ,
Lund ko lehnge se ponch gaya ,
Uski Maa ne kiya VIRODH,
Tune choda bina NIRODH.
Newly wed husband: "I will be frank with u, dear u r not the first girl, I've Fucked !"
Bride:"I'll also be frank, you have still to learn a lot about fucking !"
Boy:"Kaash main teri panty hota, tere naram angon se chipka hota..."
Girl:"Theek kaha! Jab main chud rahi hoti to tum bhi kisi konay par paday hote!!!!"
Girl's don't bunk classes b'coz they know missing periods means PREGNANCY !.
How do u teach MATHs to a girl?
Add her to the bed, substract her clothes, divide her legs & start multiplying.
1. Intelligent man + Intelligent woman = Romance.
2. Intelligent man + Stupid woman = Pregnancy.
3. Stupid man + Intelligent woman = Affairs.
4. Stupid man + Stupid woman = Marriage.
6 yrs boy caught in rape case. In court Lawyer( while holding boy penis):

" ur honour, see little boy can he rape someone?"
Boy to lawyer:"Itna na hila, nahin toh case haar jayenge!!"

Hindi Adult Non Veg Sexy Jokes Part-5

U know who the best goal keeper in the world is ?
Ans: WOMEN. Reason is that no matter how much or
which way u fuck her, ur balls never go in !
2 penis went to see a movie.
one said to another," I hope its not a sexy movie,
otherwise we will have to stand for 3 hrs !!!!
Today, STYLE is .....
small car, small watches, small skirts & small mobile phones.
Sometime soon a small penis will be in style ,and then u will be"

Rich man to Poor man:" how come you have got a big penis ?"

Poor man: " because when I was a little boy I have no other toy to play with !"
What part of the man has no bone but has muscles,
has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Lady was scolding her maid for her inefficiency..
Angry maid : "At least I m better than u in the bed."
Lady (amazed) : "And my husband told u this ? "
Maid : " No, the DRIVER "
Girl : " mom, what is KHASAM ( husband ) ?
Mom : " beti, when u will grow & will become a good girl u will get one. "
Girl :" If I do not become good girl ?"
Mom : " then u will get many !!!!! "

Gareeb aur boobs hamesha dabtay hain.
Museebat aur Lulli kahin bhi khadi ho sakti hai.
Kismat aur Bra kahin bhi khul sakti hai.
why man does not make whisling sound while passing urine like woman ?
B 'coz god has given him 6 inch long SILENCER !
A man walked into a ladies toilet.
A lady who was inside got furious & shouted--" THIS IS EXCLUSIVELY FOR WOMEN "
The man, unzipping his pant said-" THIS TOO !!!!!!!"

Sex life of a couple according to ages:--
A chinese doctor says a woman has 5 rooms :-
Face is Showroom
Breast is Playroom
Stomach is Store room
Vagina is a Guest room
Ass is a Emergency room.
What is the similarity between man & mouse ?
Both of them are in the search of hole !

What is a KISS ?
Kiss is an inquiry in first floor about vacancy in the ground floor.........!
Arz kiya hai---..
" Titanic banaya to kaun sa pahar giraya,
akhir woh bhi to ek kasti thi.
Aray Taj Mahal to hum bhi banwa sakte dete,
humari Mumtaj hi gashti thi..! "
What is the long thing that has a hole at the tip & being inserted into a deep, slimy, hairy hole
and can make u feel better ?
Maar chaddapa bed wich aaja, kacchi la ke bund dikhaja,
Ni kudiye raand diye....
Kodi hokay lun pawaja kudiye raand diye...!
Chust , Chalaki, Chori , Thaggi hunde kum hushiyari de,
Tang Bhosedi, Tikkhe Mommay hunday kudi kawari de.......!
Khud hi ko kar Buland Itna, ke Himalaya pe jaa pahunche,
Aur Khuda khud tujse pooche....
Bata CHUTIYE ab utray ga kaisay !
She took off his pant gently and whispered: " Make me feel like a woman...."
He smiled , threw his pant at her and said : " Go wash it ! "

Hindi Adult Non Veg Sexy Jokes Part-4

Man goes to the RED LIGHT area.
Madame inquire:" r u married ?"
He replied :"What difference does it make ?"
She said:"We are here to serve the needy & not the greedy ! "
How do u recognize a SARDAR in school ?
They are the ones who erase their notebooks when the teacher erases the blackboard !!

Ho gayee hai night , bund kar de light.
lund kar de tight, fuddi se kar ab fight.
nikaal de white- white, tatte ho jayenge light,
U will feel alright....................
Top 5 TV programmes :

1 . kaun marega kisi ki fuddi.
2. kyun ki saas bhi kabhi chudi thi.
3. chuttar faadh ke.
4. kahani lun- lun ki....
5. Ek mahal ho mommo ka..
Come here, take of ur pants & knickerz, get on the top of me.
enjoy until u get statisfied.. Lovingly urs-----, " I------ TOILET ".

Father : " which part of the body goes to the heaven first ?

Kid : " legs "
Father :" why ?"
Kid : 'coz I see mom every night with her legs up & screeming-"oh god ! I am in heaven."
A Rocket & a Plane meet after ages.
Plane says:" yaar rocket tu itni tez raftaar se kaise udh jate ho?"
Rocket replies "yeh toh wohi jaane jis ke gand main AAG lagi ho...."
GIVE ME BABY ONE MORE TRY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------- -

Man to a Lady, " apne santray sambhaliyeji they disturb me."
Angrily she replies," Tumko kya, santray mere hain. "
Man :" haan! par juice to mera nikal raha hai ! "
Yeh LADKI bhi ajeeb cheez hai yaar,
zara sa kuch KAHO to mooh foola deti hai
aur zara sa kuch KARO to pait foola deti hai !!!
why did Miss Rosemary changed her name after marrying Mr. Lele ?
B'coz she did not want her to be called as " ROZ MERI LELE..... "
First 4 days of girls:
1. Love me , Don't touch me.
2. Touch me , Don't kiss me.
3. Kiss me , Don't fuck me.
4. Fuck me , Don't forget me.

What is the similarity between LULLA & CHULLA ?
Both r used by Indian Women on daily basis!
Touch it gently ..
Put ur finger inside..
If hole is big put three fingers....
Rub it up & down gently...
........................................that's the right way of
washing the glass !!!!!
What is the similarity between a PENIS and a IODEX ?
"andar tak jaaye, garmahat laaye, aaraam dilaye...."
Prosti :" 200 rupay loongi, hil- hil ke doongi. "
Client :" 100 rupay doonga, hil main khud loonga......"

Doctor says:Penis is the greatest breakfast because it has a mushroom head

2 eggs and cream, which provides all the nutreints to make women healthy.
Teacher saw PENIS written on the Blackboard, she rubs it off..
Next day, it was written bigger , she rubs it again .
Next day it was written: MORE U RUB , LARGER IT GROW.....

Hindi Adult Non Veg Sexy Jokes Part-3

2 men went to prostitute, 1st one went inside after he came out
he says My wife is BETTER.
2nd one went inside & after he came out he says Yes!
your WIFE is BETTER.
Oh , paidal challan waaliye, tera pat lishkare maarda .
sade naalon kutta changa, jo kutiya di roz maarda.
A dying man in a desert made 2 WISHES:
In next life, he wants to have free water to drink & To see women ass everyday.
He died & his next life...........He was a TOILET POT.
A Husband said to his wife: " if u r in mood of sex , just shake my dick twice .I 'll understand.
Wife asked," if I am not than ? "
Husband replied,"then shake it 50-60 times !!!!!!!!"
can u pronounce proper english? Read along:
" wolf, wolf,roof,roof,woof,woof,wolf ,roof,woof, roof."
Test result: u r a good dog. now stop BARKING !
Airtel boy ask to Spice girl: "what is your specialities?
Spice girl : "Night incoming is free !"
A Boy pulls down his pant & ask a girl " do u have this ?"
Girl lifts her skirt, slips the panty & says,"My mom says if u have this u can get plenty of those................! "
Three good manners of MALE penis:
1. COURTEOUS- It stands before performing.
2. EMOTIONAL- It cries during the performance.
3. POLITE- It bow down after the performance.
Who is the only INDIAN filmstar who BORN with the car from mother pussy?
Ans : SUNNY DEOL............hho main nikla gaddi lekay...........................
A person was carrying 3 BABIES in the train.
The Lady next to him asked,"Are they ur BABIES."
The Person said ,"NO, I own a condom factory & these are customers complaints..........."
Aurat ko choot ki gehraayee pe naaz hai to hamein bhi apni lund ki lambaayee pe fakar hai,
Agar uski choot SHABNAM KA SHABAB hai to hamara lund bhi LUCKNOW KA NAWAB hai...
What is the common between an army general's car and his wife?
Ans: Both are highly maintained and very less used..........!
A lady goes to a Doctor & asks can u make a small hole on the side of my hole.?
Doctor ask Why ?
She replies Because I want to start a side business........!
NEWSFLASH: 10 out of 10 Doctors world wide had concluded that the
best source of CALCIUM is the woman's VAGINA coz' it harden the PENIS even without bones !
A bachelor SARDAAR gives an AD in a matrimonial. "Wanted Girl"
Age no bar, Height no bar, looks no bar, Money no bar,
But SEX, baar- baar, Hazaar bar........... Lagataar...........!
A person doing self swot analysis:
Strength is my wife.
Weakness is my neighbour's wife.
Opportunity is when neighbour is on tour.
Threat is when i am on tour.
Rishte ki baat chal rahi thi, ladke wale:" ladka clerk hai, 4000 pagaar hai- ooper se 15000 kamata hai."
ladkiwale :"ladki nurse hai, 2500 pagaar hai aur 50000 niche se kamati hai."
Banta singh aapni biwi se kehta hai : " maine ladka manga tha ladki kaise ho gayee."
Biwi : " tumhare bharose rehti to ye bhi nahi hoti."
Kehte hai aurat ke haath mein barkat hoti hai , bilkul sahi hai !
3 inch ka haath main do to 8 inch ka karke deti hai !!!!!
Man was lying nude on the beach. A sexy babe starts playing TABLA on his butts.
Man : "what r u doing ?"
Girl "Playing TABLA "
Man turns other side & said," can u play the flute "

Hindi Adult Non Veg Sexy Jokes Part-2

A Girl turns to her boyfriend in a crowded movie &
says,"honey,the guy beside me is masturbating !"
He says,"Ignore him".
She says,"I can't !, he is using my hand".

Man was lying nude on the beach. A sexy babe starts playing tabla on his butts.
Man:"what r u doing?"
Girl:"playing tabla."
He turns other side & said,"can u play the flute?"
LIFE is like a PENIS. sometimes up, stms down. stms hard, stms soft.
stms big, stms small. stms in, stms out. so ,enjoy PENIS..oops,I mean LIFE.
What is the difference between the Indian cricketer & condom?
Cricketer drops the catch and condom catches the drop!!!!!

If u have 2 balls between ur legs ,then u r a man, but if u have 4 balls between ur legs ,
don't think u r a superman, there's someone fucking u.
uth bandaya sutaya, farr chaah di baati sari raat suta, teri bund na paati.
Talwaar aur Salwaar mein kya samaanta hai ?
Dono hi ke khulne par Aadmi ghayal ho jata hai !!
Girl: "mummy, fauji aa reha hai."
Mummy: " andar ho ja, inha di nazar kharaab hundi hai."
Girl:" ma, fauji sardaar hai."
Mummy:"phir te Majh noo wee andar kar lay."

A boy was so jealous of his new born brother, that he put poison on his mother's
nipple when she was asleep & the next day their DRIVER died.
Ouch! It's too tight.
Don't worry, sweetheart ! we'll try to do it slowly.

Push it in .Aah! I can't. It's painful. Ok,sweetheart,

Let's get another.............................................WEDDING RING
TEACHER: " Kya cheez mooh main nahin leni chahiye ?"
STUDENT: "Jalta hua BULB.
TEACHER: "Kyon?"
STUDENT: "Kal raat mummy papa se bol rahi thi ki bulb bujha do to mooh main loongi."--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wife:"Dr. mere pati ke lun pe madhumukhi ne kata hai"
Dr.:"oh!, soojh gaya . Dard bhi hai kaya?"
Wife:" Ji han, lekin sirf dard ki dava do, soojan rahne do. !
Once a saint went to a prostitute and after completing the
activity while he was leaving, the prostitute asked BABA PAISAY.
He replied pagli tujhse thodi loonga....!
Teen gandoo ek doosre ki ghand maar rahey thay,acchaanak police ka
chaapa pad gaya , ekko police pakad kar lee gayee,
doosra bhaag gaya aur teesra message pad reha hai.

Yeh waqt nahin hai rone ka,
Yeh waqt hai baccha hone ka.
Uss waqt kyon nahin royee thi,
Jab chipak ke soyee thi.
Ab jo kiya hai woh bharo,
Tab to kahti thi aur karo,aur karo........
Never FUCK a Tel-Operator after 3 mins. she'll say ur time is over.
Never FUCK a Nurse, she'll say next pls.
But FUCK a Teacher she'll say It's good, now repeat it 5 times.
A bra falls on a doodhwala entering a building.
He looks up n shouts,"oh, bhenji ! aapke doodh ka dhakkan gir gaya !"

3 men rape a NIHANGNI, she threaten them MAIN RAULA PAWANGEE
Q: How will u recognize whether GIRL is wearing PANTY or not ?
A: While seeing DANDRUFF on her toes..
Panjh Ishnaan - Maha Giana.
Nit Nahaunaa - Dalidree.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Hindi Adult Non-Veg sexy Jokes Part-1 2 wife : business is going down,if u learn to cook we can remove bavarchi.
wife : asshole, if u learn to fuck, we can remove driver, gardner & watchman!!!!!!!!

Love is not measured by hugging, kissing & sex . luv is respect & trust,
accepting a person with open legs..closed eyes..wet lips..saying "push it more"-2

The brains of madras, beauty of bengal, wealth of gujrat & strength of punjab.
translation: madras di buddi, bangal di fuddi, gujrat da dhan te punjab da lun.

Bewafa tum ho to wafadaar hum bhi nahi,
besharam tum ho to sharamdaar hum bhi nahi,
pyaar ke is mode par aake kehte ho shadishuda ho
to kunware hum bhi nahin!

Subah-2 jab khirki kholay, fruitwala zore se bole:
8 rupay ke 12 kelay, kum paray to mera lelay.

Iss jahan main aae ho to ,kuch aaisa kar jaao kadardaan, jiss gali se guzro,
aawaaz aae --"ABBAJAAN"-2.


A good friend is like a good bra. hard to find, very comfortable, supportive,
holds u up when r down & always close to the heart. good day, dear bra...

Have sex daily, jab bhi milay woh akeli, woh nahin to uski saheli,
saheli nahin to apni hatheli but have sex daily!

Palat ke dekh zalim,tamanna hum bhi rakhte hain,husn tum rakhti ho
to jawaani hum bhi rakhte hain..
gehrai tum rakhti ho to lambaai hum bhi rakhte hain!

why r women considered stronger than men ?
ans: b'coz they carry 2 mountains on their chest where as men carry
just 2 stones with the help of crane!

Bhapaji bargained a woman in his shop "chunni wichon te kujh nahi labda,
kameez wichon do labh jaande ne, te salwaar wich te pallayon paana penda hai"

A man reads a book in a bed next to his wife & his finger went to tease his wife's pussy.
Wife asks "you want sex?".
"No,just to wet my finger to turn the page!"

lady to doctor "a vibrator stuck in my pussy "
Doctor "laydown , I will take it out"
Lady "NO!, pls. change its battery".

Rail ki patri par mat hagaa karo, train aayegi gaand kat jaayegi.
abhi haath se gaand dhotay ho, baad mein gaand se haath dho baithogay!!!!!!!!!!

A girl selling SANDWICH on the beach in goa, asked a
sardar:"sardar ji ,sandwich loge? "
sardar ji replied,"o, kamliye sand wich kyon? room wich kyon nahi?"

lady :" doctor, i feel very weak."
Dr: " how many times do u have sex?"
lady: " 5 times, mon- fri."
Dr: " cut down wed."
lady:" but thats the only day i m with my husband! "

A woman gave birth to six babies & on seeing this, she goes out off her hospital bed &
slapped her husband & shouted, " I told you not to go doggy style ".

A 25 year boy married a 65 year woman. after two days boy died,
because he drank expired milk.

A couple recently married was happy with the whole thing .
He was happy with the hole &
She was happy with the thing!

A Sardar was urinating beside a car. A Foreigner said to him "

Women (This is priceless! )

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.

She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.'

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.

I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful should remember fairies are female.....

Deep Concern

With deep concern Dick noted that his friend Conrad was far drunker than he'd ever seen him before. He walked over to the bar and asked, "What's thetrouble, buddy?"

"It's a woman." replied Conrad.

"What else?""Tell me about it," coaxed Dick.

"It's your wife."

"My wife? What about her?"

"Well, buddy boy, I'm afraid she's cheating on us."

The Maid Did It

A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.

The guy says, "Who is this?"

"This is the maid," answers the woman.

"We don't have a maid," says the man.

The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the woman of the house."

The man says "Well this is her husband. Is she there?

"The woman replies, "She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.

"The guy is fuming and says to the maid "Listen, would you like to make$50,000?

The maid asks "What will I have to do?"

The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk and shoot the Bitchand the jerk she's with."

The maid puts the phone down the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots. The maid comes back to the phone "What do I do with the bodies?

"The man says "Throw them in the swimming pool.

"Puzzled, the maid answers "But you don't have a pool."A long pause and the man asks, "Is this 261-1382?"

Nookie on Mars

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stockmarket if they have laptop computers how they make money etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex."Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen.

The Martian responds "Pretty much the way you do."A discussion ensues.

Finally the couples decide to swap partners forthe night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny weenie member about half an inch longand just a quarter-inch thick.

"I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.

"Why?" he asks."What's the matter?"

"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enoughto reach me!"

"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.

"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but itis still narrow."

"No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears.With each pull his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

"Wow!" she exclaims as they fall into bed and make mad passionat elove. The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways.

As they walked along, Mike asks, "Well, was it any good?"

"I hate to say it," says Maureen "but it was wonderful. How about you?"

"It was horrible" he replies. "All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears!"

Gr8 Sardar

Once there was a sword competition & players from many countries took part in that.From India Mr. Santa Singh took part.

First player came from Germany.He swings the sword & cuts a very thin wire into two parallel parts.

Then comes a Japanese & he cuts the even more thin wire into two parts.

Then comes our very own Santa Singh. He took the sword in one hand & flew a mosquito in the air. He swings the sword over the mosquito, but mosquito flies away.

Then the judge asked "Kya Santa Singh Ji, machhar to ud gya".

Santa replied, " Ud to gya, per ab kabhi baap nahi banega"


George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Hello, Mr. Bush!" a heavily accented voice said, "This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!"

"Well, Gurmukh," Bush replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army"

"Right now," said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbor Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight"

Bush paused. "I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Arrey O! Main kya.." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.

"Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh" Bush asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor."

Bush sighed. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."

"Oh teri...." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.

"Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne...... We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!"

Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Tera pala hove...." said Gurmuk, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.

"Kiddan, Mr.Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Bush. "Why the sudden change of heart"

"Well," said Gurmukh, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!"


Now we run

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices our Little Johnny trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, Little Johnny is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.

After watching Little Johnny efforts for some time, the priest steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"

To which Little Johnny replies, "Now we run!"

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Today's Funny Jokes__

1. Women are unpredictable.
Before marriage, she expects a man,
after marriage she suspects him,
and after death she respects him.

2. There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much
They got married - and now he is going thru hell.

3. A man inserted an `ad' in the classifieds :
"Wife wanted ". Next day, he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing :
"You can have mine."

4. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sureof one thing:
either the car is new or the wife.

5. It's easy to tell if a man is married or not.
Just watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.
6. A man received a letter
from some Kidnappers. The letter said, " if you don't promised to send us $100,000 I swear that we will kidnap your wife."
The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours."

7. What's the matter,you look depressed." "I'm having trouble with my wife."
"What happened?" "She said she wasn't going to speak to me for 30 days."
"But that ought to make you happy."
"It did, but today is the last day."

When she is 18 - She is a football, 22 men going after her.
When she is 28 - She is a hockey ball, 8 men going after her.
When she is 38 - She is a golf ball, 1 man hitting on her.
When she is 48 - She is a pingpong ball, 2 men pushing to each other.

At 20 - A man is like a coconut, so much to offer, so little to give.
At 30 - He is like a durian, dangerous but delicious.
At 40 - He is like a watermelon, big, round and juicy.
At 50 - He is like a mandarin orange, the season comes once in a year.
At 60 - He is just like a raisin, dried out, wrinkles and cheap.

10.Marriage Humour
In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

Friday, May 23, 2008

A Dentist's Wisdom

A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled. The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man.

"No way! No needles! I hate needles!" the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.

"I can't do the gas thing - the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!"

The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.

"No,"- the patient says, -"I am fine with pills".

The dentist then returns and says, "Here is a Viagara tablet.

"The patient says, "Wow - I didn't know Viagara worked as a pain pill!"

"It doesn't,"- said the dentist -"but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull out your tooth."

Misleading Information

This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical condition. Her husband wait spatiently in the waiting room.

After a few minutes, the doctor comes out and asks her assistant for a wrench which understandably concerns the husband.

Then, after a couple more moments the doctor re-enters the room this time asking for a screwdriver.

The man grows worried and begins to pace in circles. Then a little later the doctor bursts through the doors screaming for a hammer.

At that the husband, in a state of frenzied terror runs up to the surgeon and asks ''Doctor, what the heck is wrong with my wife?''

"I don't know," replies the flustered doctor, "I can't get my damn bag open."

A disappointed Salesman in Arabic

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.

A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters...

First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... Totally exhausted and panting. Second poster, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place"

"That should have worked," said the friend.

The salesman replied, " Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realise that Arabs Read from Right to Left..."


I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a package of condoms. There was a beautiful woman behind the counter and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked, if I knew how to wear one.

I honestly answered,"No."

So she un wrapped the package took one out and slipped over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store. It was empty.

She said "Just a minute." And walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand she led me into the back room unbuttoned her blouse and removed it She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.

She asked"Do these excite you?"

Well I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condum on. As I was slipping it on she dropped her skirt removed her panties and laid down on a desk.

"Well , come on", she said "We don't have much time." So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately I could no longer hold back and pow, I was done within a few minutes.

She looked at me with a frown. "Did you put that condom on?"

I said, "I sure did." And held up my thumb to show her.

Sportsman's double

I pulled an older woman at a club last night. She was a right sort for 57, we drank a bit. had a bit of a snog & she asked if I'd ever had the sportsman's double, amother and daughter threesome?

I said no.

We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.

I went back to her place. She put the hall light on & and shouted upstairs:

"Mum you still awake?"

Close Shave

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.

The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotelb room."

She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that."

The cowboy said, "Tell him your working overtime and I'll pay you the difference."

She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."

Answer this Smarty

What gets longer when pulled...............
Fits between your boobs..............
Inserts neatly in a hole and
Works best when jerked.....................
Scroll down to find the answer.......
A SEAT BELT you Sex Smarty! Now BUCKLE up What were you thinking?

Who Done it?

This is the story of three men buddies namely:
'Anybody' ,'Somebody' and 'Everybody'

their woman friend with pretty body called 'Nobody'.

Once all the three buddies entered her apartment. Nobody was lying on a bed in a nude condition.
Everybody raped her.
Somebody called the Police.
The Police thought that somebody must have raped her.
Everybody blamed Anybody.

To this, the woman cried," How can you name Anybody when the fact is that I was raped by Everybody?"

So Everybody was put into jail for raping nobody.


Finally, worried to death, he went to a psychiatrist.

"Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink.

"Come talk tome three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears. "

How much will that cost me?"

"Eighty dollars per visit," replied the doctor.""I'll sleep on it," said Jerry.

Six months later the doctor met Cliff on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see about those fears you were having?" asked the psychiatrist.

"Well.... Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! I found a bartender who cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money I went and bought me a new pickup!"

"Is that so! And How, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!"


A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.

The bee said, "What seems to be the problem"?

"I'm out of gas."The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out."Try it now," said one bee.

The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.

"Wow!" the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my gas tank"?

The bee answered, "BP."


The Old Geezer

The banker saw his old friend Tom an eighty-year old rancher in town.Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying "mail order" bride.

Being a good friend the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true. Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be.

Tom proudly said,"She'll betwenty-one in November." Now the banker being the wise man that he was could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year-old man. Wanting his old friend's remaining years to be happy the banker tactfully suggested that Tomshould consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch knowing nature would take its own course.

Tom thought this was agood idea and said he would look for one that afternoon. About 4 months later the banker ran into Tom in town again. "How's the new wife?"asked the banker.

Tom proudly said,"Oh, she's pregnant."

The banker happy that his sage advice had worked out continued,"And how's the hired hand?"

Without hesitating, Tom said,"She's pregnant too."

Careers in Pakistan

If we were in Pakistan , our options for professional courses after Std. XII would be as follows :

JEE - Jehadic Entrance Examination
IIT - Islamic Institute of Terrorism
IIM - Institute of Infiltration Management
CAT - Career in Alqaida & Taliban
IAS - Iraq after Saddam
M Tech - Masters in Terror Technology
GATE - General Aptitude in Terror and Extremism
TOEFL - Test of Extremist Foreign Languages
GRE - Graduate in Relocation Extremism
MBBS - Master of Bomb Blasting Strategies
MBA - Master of Bombing Administration

Red Shirt

Seems there was a treasure ship on its way back to port.

About halfway there, it was approached by a pirate, skull and cross bones waving in the breeze! "Captain, captain, what do we do?" asked the first mate.

"First mate," said the captain, "go to my cabin, open my sea chest, and bring memy red shirt."

The first mate did so. Wearing his bright red shirt, the captain inspired hisc rew to fight. So inspiring was he, in fact,that the pirate ship was repelled without casualties.

A few days later, the ship was again approached, this time by two pirate ships."Captain, captain, what should we do?"

"First mate, bring me my red shirt!" The crew, emboldened by their fear less captain, fought heroically, and managed to defeat both boarding parties, though they took many casualties. That night, the survivors had a great celebration.

The first mate asked the captain the secret of his bright red shirt. "It'ssimple, first mate. If I am wounded, the blood does not show, and the crew continues to fight without fear."

A week passed, and they were nearing their home port, when suddenly the look out cried that ten ships of the enemy's armada were approaching!

"Captain, captain, we're in terrible trouble, what do we do?" The first mate looked expectantly at the miracle worker. Pale with fear, the captain commanded,"First mate....bring me my brown pants!"

Any new parts lately?

A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor."I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: "I felt sad because you went through this allby yourself."

"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago."

"And what about the third rose?" she asked.

"That' s from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears."

Girls in india

18 sal ki Ladki K 18 vachan.
1 Mera peecha mat karo.
2 Mai sharif ladki hu.
3 Bus ek bar bolungi I L U.
4 Sirf ek bar milungi.
5 Kuch karna nahi.
6 Koi dekh lega to.
7 Bus upar se kar lo.
8 Panty mat utaro.
9 Bas ek bar hi karwaungi.
10 Sharm aa rahi hai.
11 Bahut lamba hai tumhara.
12 ch*t mai itna mota nahi jayega.
13 Jor se mat dalna.
14 Bahut dard ho raha hai.
15 Ch*chi ko chuso na.
16 Kamar ko pakr kar dalo.
17 Jor se dhakka maro.
18 Bahar mat nikalo plz

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Obliging Nurse

A Male patient just recovered successfully from a sex threatening health attack.He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and laying on hospital bed.

An young nurse came to cleanse his body with sponge.The patient mumbled, "Are my testicles black?"

Nurse replied, "I don't know Sir, I am just setting you clean"

The patient repeated again, "Are my testicles black?"

Nurse was quite embarrassed to answer the question and said "Sir every thing should be OK"

The patient just kept on asking again and again, "Are my testicles black?"

Nurse could not bear a patient concerned so much. So she raised his gown moved her hand to find and grab his penis and testicle, moved it all around, checked very closely and suddenly man ejaculated on nurse's hand.

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, embarrassed at the fiascosays loudly enough, "Ma'am, Thanks but I still need to know'A r e - m y - t e s t s - r e s u l t s - b a c k?'"

The best excuse for having an affair!

The wife came home early to find her husband making love to a beautiful sexy young woman.

"You unfaithful, disrespectful jerk! What are you doing? How dare you do this to me the faithful wife,the mother of your children! I'm leaving this houseand I want a divorce!"

The husband, replied, "Wait! Wait a minute! Before you leave, at least listen to what happened."

"It'll be the last thing I will hear from you so make it fast, you cheating creep."

"While driving home this young lady asked for a ride.I saw her so defenceless that I went ahead and allowed her into my car. I noticed she was very thin, not well dressed and dirty. She mentioned she had not eaten for three days. Out of compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night that you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll gain more weight.

When I served them to her, the poor young thing practically in haled them. Since she was dirty I asked her if she'd like to bathe. While she was showering, I noticed her clothes were worn-out and full of holes so I threw them away.

Since she needed clothes, I gave her the pair of jeans that you no longer wear because they're too tight on you, I also gave her the blouse that I gave you on our anniversary and you dont wear because I don't have good taste.

I gave her the pull over that my sister gave you for Christmas that you won't wear just to bother my sister and I also gave her the boots that you bought at the expensive boutique that you never wore again after you saw your co-worker wearing the same pair.

After she dressed, I walked the young woman to the door where she turned around and with tears of gratitude streaming down her cheeks.

she asked me, "Sir, do you have anything else your wife doesn't use?"

Student in class!!!!.....good one

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students, one by one.

'Michael, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?' she asked.

'Just a minute, I have to go piss.'

The teacher replied 'That would be rude and impolite!'

'What about you John, how would you say it?'.

John said 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back.'.

The teacher responded, 'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the table.''And you Peter, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?'.

'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for amoment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after supper.'The teacher fainted.

Haunted from the grave .....:D

An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most.

"When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.

He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.

The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?

The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the jerk dig. I had him buried upside down."

Gujarati Business Ingenuity

A teacher offered a $20.00 bill to students in his classin a strong organized religion town of America which voted George Bush to power two times.

He asked,"Who was the Most Famous Man ever lived in the history?"

An Irish boy responded, "St. Partrick, Sir" and raised his handto collect $20. Teacher pushed him back in his chair.

A Scottish boy responded, My Dad says, St. Andrews and then he approached teacher, put his hand in teacher pocket searching for money. Teacher grabbed him by arms, raised him and threw him In his chair.

A Gujarati Shashin was watching everybody fail. He came forward and said, Sir, it was Jesus Christ.

The teacher came to Shashin, hugged him, with emotional tears in his eyes gave him $20 note and asked, Now tell all these nincompoop in my class, how youknow this?

Shashin turned and addressed the class, You nincompoops, I know it is LordKrishna,I lied, but dollar twenty is dollar twenty, it is business.

Chest of Love

A wife wanted an expensive fur coat from the executive husband to celebrate their Silver wedding anniversary.

The miser over bearing rich husband rejected the expensive but affordable demand,He said, "You grow the hair on your chest and I will give you fur coat to cover it."

The wife was out of control with anger. She pulls up her skirt, drops and throws her panties and pushes her hairy pubic area forward.

She said, "There! I have the hair on my chest, now buy me that damn coat!"

"That's not your chest, that is your pussy!" husband screamed back.

"Oh yes that is my chest all right" she yelled back. "While we were dating this was your chest of hope. We got married and on our honeymoon you used to tease me it was your chest of pleasure. Then I started bearing children and it became your chest of family, and damn it"If you don't buy me that fur coat, it is going to be the community chest of public."

A software engineer

A software engineer was smoking.

A lady standing nearby said to him "can't you see the Warning, Smoking is injurious to health..!'.

He replied "We are bothered only about Errors, not Warnings !!"


Three explorers were in the deepest darkest jungles of Africa And were captured by a pigmy tribe. The tribe brings them Before the chief, who declares that the explorers were Tracking across secret hunting grounds, and the penalty was death.

One explorer asks the chief if they are to die.Could they chose the way they wanted to go. After much consideration, the chief agreed.

The first explorer loved to eat And wanted to eat himself to death.The tribe puts him in a hut with 10,000 lbs of food And two guards outside the door to make sure he doesn't escape.

The second explorer loved to drink And wanted to drink himself to death. Again, the tribe puts him in a hut with10,000 gals of booze, and two guards outside The door to make sure he doesn't escape.

The third explored loved to screw women. This took a little time, as the tribe had To construct a large hut and collect 10,000Naked women. They finally got it all together Placed the explorer in the hut with 10,000 naked women And two guards outside the hut to make sure he didn't escape.

Time rolled by, and about 3 months later the chief Remembered that he had to see how the punishment Of the three explorers turned out.

He went to the first hut, and found the man had Ate so much he exploded. He had the two guards Clean up the mess and dismissed them.

In the second hut, the explorer drank so much He puked his guts out. The chief had the two guards Clean up the mess, and dismissed them.

You'd never guess what the chief found in the third hut...

10,000 pregnant women two guards outside the door with red asses And the explorer jacking off in the corner!

HIndi ADULT SMS part 3

Wife=mobile, Husband=sim card, dono mile to hua recharge,
Lerka huato incoming, lerki hue to out going, kuch na hua to miss call
------------ --------- --------- ----
Lawyer: Divorce karane ke Rs50,000 charges ha.
Man: Nikah ke Qazisahib ne Rs101 liye they.
Lawyer: dekhliye suste kaam karane ka anjam
------------ --------- --------- -------
After first nite Abhishek to Ashwaria: Aj mujhe koi aese bat bataojise mujhe khoshi bhi mile or gum bhi.
Ash: Tumhara lund salman orvivek se bara or hard ha.
------------ --------- --------- --
Sardar was making Omlet, he broke the egg n the egg was empty,
sardar jii: kia zamana agaya ha murghi bhi abortion karati ha
.------------ --------- ----

Sex Education

A elderly, single, third grade teacher was informed she would have to teach sex education.

She was quite upset and refused the assignment. She didn’t think she would actually be able to talk about the subject. Eventually, she changed her mind asthe alternative was to be fired.

On the first day of school she drew a woman’s body on the blackboard, pointed to the chest and asked the class “Does anyone know what this is called?”

Jane, who was sitting in the first row, raised her hand and answered “It’scalled a ‘breast’ and my mommy has two of them!”

“Very good,” said the teacher. Then she drew a male body on the board, pointed to the groin, and asked “Does anyone know what this is called?”

This time Billy raised his hand. “I know what it is! It’s called a ‘penis’ and my daddy has two of them.”

“That’s the right name,” said the teacher, but I don’t think your daddy has two of them.”

“Yes he does!” said Billy. “He has a little one that he uses to pee, and big one he brushes mommy’s teeth with!”


There were these three men stranded on an island in the middle of the ocean. All of a sudden the natives surrounded them, unhappy to see Americans on their island. The angry chief gave them a choice.

“Death or unga-bunga!” He shouted.

The first man really didn’t want to die, so he chose unga-bunga.

The entire tribe bent him over a fallen tree and butt-fucked him.

The second man said, “Man, I don’t want to sound gay or anything, but Idefinately don’t want to die either. Okay….unga-bunga.”

The entire tribe bent him over a fallen tree and butt-fucked him.

The third man, disgusted by his friends’ decisions, shouted, “Death!”

To that, the chief shouted, “Death by unga-bunga!”

Wrong key

A man decided to march in the holy crusades. Concluding that his wifeshould wear a chastity belt while he is gone, he locks up her nether regions and gives the key to his best friend. He tells him, "If I donot return within four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live anormal life."

So, the husband leaves on horse back and about a half hour later,he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees hisbest friend. "What's wrong?" he asks. "You gave me the wrong key!"

Hindhi ADULT SMS Part 2

1) Ek aurat apne padosi k sath sex kar rahi thi, k tbhi uska pati aa gaya aur padosi ko pitne laga,
Patni boli: maro aur maro prai aurat pe hath dalta hai,
itne me padosi uske pati ko pitne laga,
Patni fir boli: maro aur maro ''NA KARTA HAI NA KARNE DETA HAI".

_ _ _ _
. .......

3) In a crowded Bus , one Lady , shouted over the man , standing behind her
: -" Do ke to khade rahne ki jagah nahi, fir Tisre ko kyu khada kar rahe ho ?

4) Big Eyes r nice 2 see..
Big lips r nice 2 kiss..
Big Buttocks r nice 2squeeze..
Big breasts r nice 2 suck..
BUT Big hole is a challenge 2 Fuck.

5) One Mouse was fucking an Elephant in a coconut farm.1 coconut fals on elephant's head.
MOUSE-Ouch vouch kuch nahi Gandu, apna shot to aise hi hota hai.

Hindi Adults SMS

Aik train main daku ghuss aaye or pporee train ko loot lya,
Beti:daddy main nay apne ring save kar le or usay apne pussy main daldya,
Daddy: Good .. Agar ye apne ammi ko bata datein to humara SuitCase bhe bach jata......

Tention hai to charas loe,
dimag kamzoor hai to badam ka juice loe,
khoon ke kami hai to Anaar ka juice loe,
Mardaza kamzori hai to.. to .. to.. No Problem .. Mera Lund ChoosLoe..

Boy to Girl: sex kartay hoay zyada maza larki ko aata hai yalarkay koe?
Girl: agar tum apnay kaan(ear) main ungle(fingure) dalogay to kaan ko maza aata hai ya unglee koe....

Girl: I m like a radio,
my left nipple is volume, my right nipple id tuner,..
Boy turns both but there is no sound.
Girl Said, Stupid neechay Cell(batery) tera baap dalay ga.

Question: Why do most men prefer to kiss a woman's lips?
Answer: That's the best way to shut a woman's Horizontal mouth & open the Vertical one...!

Once a boy came late to class..
Teacher said to him: tumhien periods k miss honay ka zara bhe ehsas hai ?
Boy Said: jee.. bohott ehsas hai .. tub say jub say mere sister k periods aana ruk gayethay .. ammi bayhosh hoe gain thin abbu ko heart-attack hoe gaya thaor mazay ke baat ye k humara driver bhe bhag gaya .... ;)

Larka Larki say: tum gana bohot acha gatey hoee ..
Larki: nahe yaar main to sirf bathroom singer hon,
Boy: acha... to kisi din bulao na dono mil k Mehfil jamatay hain ..

A Girl Sitting in Examination hall with Sardar je..
Girl: main aap ke naqal mar loon?
Sardar: Aahooo.. tu mere naqal mar lay phir main tere Asal maroon ga ...

Aankhein dewangi main laga baithay...
Dil Aashiqui main hara bethay....
Aap to award yafta GANDU Niklay...
KHUHRAY say bhe Gand Marwa Bethay...

Spiritual Joke

A priest and bus driver lived together and one day they also together died.

They go to st. Peter standing before heaven gate. He allows the bus driver to go to one of the highest heavens but the priest has to wait.

He waits for long time and finaly goes to st. Peter and asks: "Why could that bus driver go to the highest heaven and I, who all my life spoke about God, have to wait for such a long time?"

St. Peter said: "When you were speaking to the people at your church every body was sleeping, but when that bus driver was driving every body prayed!"

Joke - Idhar Udhar

Ek aadmi ne idhar udhar dekha. Koi nahi tha.

Usne darwaja khola aur andar chalagaya.

Andar dekha to bhi uske alawa koi nahi tha.

Woh akeli thi. Usne aaram seapna nikala aur haath mein pakad kar uske andar daal diya.

Phir idhar udhar ungliyan chalaane lagaa.

Complete room mein puch - puch ki awaaz goonjne lagi.

Thori der ke baad sab shaant ho gaya.

Aadmi ne haath badha kar apna nikala aur.
paise ginta hua ATM se bahar chala gaya.

The Flu

A pastor was visiting an elderly church member. As he sat facingher old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

"Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.*

The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."

famous writer

1) A famous writer said "Love is like a long sweet dream"and

"marriage is an alarm clock."so have a sweet dreams till ur alarm wakes you up!

2) This is a romantic story about 2 lovers...

so read it slowly..

The night was dark,......................The moon was high,
I stopped my car,............................she asked me why,
i came close to her,.........................she felt shy,
i went near her,.............................i wanted to say something but
i thought she wont believe it and finally i told her those 3 words..........."


Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Just Like a Baby

A young couple were on their way to Vegas to get married.

Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she had a confession to make; the reason that they have not been too intimate is because she is very flat chested. If the guy wishes to cancel the wedding, it is okay with her.

The guy thought about it for a while, and said he does not mind she is flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage.

Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also wants to make a confession; he said below his waist, it is just like a baby. If the girl wants to cancel the marriage, it is okay with him.

The girl thought about it for a while and said that she does not mind,and she also believed there are other things far more important than sex in a marriage.

They were happy that they were honest with each other. They went on to Vegas and got married.

On their wedding night, the girl took off her clothes; she is as flat as a washboard.

Finally, the guy took off his clothes. After one glance at the guy's naked body, the girl fainted and fell to the floor.

When she became conscious, the guy asked, "I told you before we got married. Why did you still faint?"

The girl said, "You told me it was just like a baby."

The guy replied, "It is! 8 pounds and 21 inches long."

Amazing JOkes

Wonderful coffee
Customer to waiter: Everyday you charge me money for a cup of coffee. It will be wonderful if you serve me coffee free of cost today.
Waiter: Sir, everyday you drink coffee from a filled cup. It will be wonderful if you drink it from an empty cup today.

Dentist's thinking
Patient: "It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone'smouth."
Dentist: "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."

In safe hands
Patient: Doctor I heard 10 percent of the total patients undergoing this surgery die.
Doctor: Don’t worry man, those 10 percent patients operated by me are already dead. Now it’s the turn of the 90 percent survivors.