Some Sexy Quotes part 1

There is a tax on sex... it's called 'children'.

• Happiness is like penis; always looks small if you hold it in your handsbut when you learn to share it, you'll realize how big & precious it is!

• Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a raise.

• A girl who opens her hands receives gifts. Who opens her heart receiveslove. Who opens her legs receives HAPPENIS.

• Wives are funny creatures... They don't have sex with their husbands forweeks and then they want to kill the woman who does!

• Too much arousal can bring on a hard-attack.

• New AIDS awareness slogan: Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women.

• Guys are like roses, just watch out for the pricks.

• Go on. Add some variety to your sex life...Use the other hand!

• I'm so horny, I get aroused when I squeeze into a tight parking place.Dentist didn’t get erection on wedding night so he used finger.
Wife:What's this?Nothing honey, just a temporary filling.

• I've invented a fly spray that doesn't kill flies; it makes them so sexually active, you can swat two at a time.

• If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?
Tit-Bits.And if it bursts in a man's underwear?Banana split.

• Old Chinese proverb says: Man with erection walking through doorsideways is always going to Bangkok.

• Doctor: Ur knees all blistered?
Lady: Coz of doggy style!
Doctor: Cant u do it any other style?
Lady: Oh, I can, but the dog can't!

• Wife, stark naked, stands on her head in bed.Husband: What the hell are you doing?
Wife: I figured if you can't get it up, you could surely drop it in.

• What's the diff between a bomb n a condom?
In a bomb blast population decreases & if a condom blasts population increases.

• Sometimes I call my husband 'Q'," the wife told her friend.
Her friend asked: Why's that? Is he some kinda super guy like that man on StarTrek?
No, he's a big fat zero with a little dick hanging' down.

• Two women were having lunch together and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.The first woman: I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job.
The second woman: Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!
To which the first replies: Wow! I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!

• A woman with 14 children, ranging in age from 1-14, went to court to sue her husband for divorce on grounds of desertion.
"When did he leave you?" the judge asked."Thirteen years ago," the tired mother replied.The judge was confused. "Well, if he left thirteen years ago, where did all these children come from?"
"Well," said the woman, "he kept coming back to say he was sorry."

College is like a woman; you work so hard to get in and nine months later you wish you'd never come.