Today's Funny Jokes__

1. Women are unpredictable.
Before marriage, she expects a man,
after marriage she suspects him,
and after death she respects him.
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2. There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much
They got married - and now he is going thru hell.
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3. A man inserted an `ad' in the classifieds :
"Wife wanted ". Next day, he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing :
"You can have mine."
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4. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sureof one thing:
either the car is new or the wife.
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5. It's easy to tell if a man is married or not.
Just watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.
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6. A man received a letter
from some Kidnappers. The letter said, " if you don't promised to send us $100,000 I swear that we will kidnap your wife."
The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours."
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7. What's the matter,you look depressed." "I'm having trouble with my wife."
"What happened?" "She said she wasn't going to speak to me for 30 days."
"But that ought to make you happy."
"It did, but today is the last day."
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8.WOMAN
When she is 18 - She is a football, 22 men going after her.
When she is 28 - She is a hockey ball, 8 men going after her.
When she is 38 - She is a golf ball, 1 man hitting on her.
When she is 48 - She is a pingpong ball, 2 men pushing to each other.
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9.MAN
At 20 - A man is like a coconut, so much to offer, so little to give.
At 30 - He is like a durian, dangerous but delicious.
At 40 - He is like a watermelon, big, round and juicy.
At 50 - He is like a mandarin orange, the season comes once in a year.
At 60 - He is just like a raisin, dried out, wrinkles and cheap.
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10.Marriage Humour
In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.