Sunday, November 2, 2008

hihgly stupid jokes

It is the year 25 after Christ's birth and Mother Mary is worried.

Her son has not had any contact with women whatsoever and she orders Mary Madeleine to organize the sleaziest hooker of all of Bethlehem for her son. Amen:

She arrived, grabed the young man's hand after an approving and obviously favourable look and dragged hin into the bedroom.

The door closed and all was calm until the door flew back open again and the prostitute came running out of the bedroom screaming and cursing and leaving the house.

Mother Mary was a bit taken aback and went to talk to her son who was lying on the bed, chewing an apple and obviously being quite content with himself. "What happened here?" she asked.

Jesus looked at her surprised "I don't know. It all went exactly the way the other guys always said it would be. She looked me in the eyes, I looked her in the eyes. She kissed me, I kissed her back. She started to pet me, so I pet her. Her hand went up my thigh and so did mine on hers. Then her hand went between my legs and my hand went between her legs."

"Then what?" Mary pressed on.

"Then," Jesus continued, "I felt that she was amputated there and so I healed her."

"I'm in love with my sheep," the nervous young man told his psychiatrist.

"Nothing to worry about," the psychiatrist consoled. "Many people are fond of animals. As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog we are very attached to."

"But, doctor," continued the troubled patient, "I feel physically attracted to my sheep."

"Hmmm," observed the doctor. "Is it male or female?"

"Female, of course!" the man replied curtly. "What do you think I am, GAY?"
Has This Happened To You?

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where is yours? Do I point at my butt when I ask where the toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get up to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too" That's right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor.

6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!', which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, so it couldn't be new.

8 When people say "life is short". What's up with that? Life is the longest thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?