Hand Job: = $10.00

A women who'd been married twice and divorced twice was finally fed up. Her first husband beat her, and her second husband ran away with another women. Plus, she couldn't find a new lover to satisfy her
sexually, so she ran an ad in the classifieds;

Wanted: A good looking, single guy who won't beat me, won't leave me, and is good in bed.

About a week later, her door bell rings. She opens the door to find a man with no arms or legs on her front porch. I'm here about your ad,"he says. You  must be mistaken,"she says.

"Let me explain,"he says "I can't beat you, I don't have any arms, and I can't run away, because I don't have any legs."

"But,"she asks, "How do I know you're good in bed?"

"I rang the door bell, didn't I?"

*******************************

 A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

Cheese Sandwich: = $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: = $2.50
Hand Job: = $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

"Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "indeed I am"

The man replies, "Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!