Monday, June 29, 2009

Eight Signs Your Grandparents Are Still Sexually Active

day after a man lost his wife in a boating accident, two grim-faced policemen greeted him at his door.

"We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife."

"Well, tell me!" the man said.

The policeman said, "We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in San Francisco Bay."

"Oh my god!" said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?"

"Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeness crabs on her."

"If that's the good news than what's the great news?!" Mr.Wilkens demanded.

The policeman said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow morning."

Eight Signs Your Grandparents Are Still Sexually Active

1. Pair of edible Depends found on bedroom floor.

2. Lately, at night, they put their teeth in the same glass

3. Grandpa grabs crotch and complains loudly of "denture-burn."

4. Granny found cuffed to her walker.

5. Not only do you hear the bed squeaking, but also joints.

6. Grandma looks at Grandpa's crotch and claps twice.

7. Grandmother starts baking Viagra-chip cookies.

8. Craftmatic adjustable bed set for "doggy style."

Someone mistakenly left the cages open in the reptile house at the Bronx Zoo and there were snakes slithering all over the place. Frantically, the keeper tried everything, but he could not get them back in their cages.
Finally he yelled to his co-worker, "Quick, call a lawyer!"
The co-worker responded, "A lawyer? Why??"
The zookeeper barked back, "We need someone who speaks their language!"