Top Four Adult Jokes

Fourth Place: 

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby 
and as he does, his elbow goes into her ******. 
They are both quite startled. 

The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, 

if your heart is as soft as your ******, 
I know you'll forgive me.' 

She replies, 'If your ***** is as hard as your elbow, 

I'm in room 221..' 

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Third Place: 

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, 

the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. 

The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, 

I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow 

and I want to stay fresh.' 

The husband, rejected, turns over. 

A few minutes later, he rolls back over 

and taps his wife again. 

'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?' 

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Second Place: 

Bill worked in a pickle factory. 
He had been employed there for a number of years 
when he came home one day to confess to his wife 
that he had a terrible compulsion ~ 
He had an urge to stick his ***** into the pickle slicer. 

His wife suggested that he should see a *** therapist 
to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. 

One day, a few weeks later, Bill came home 
and his wife could see at once that something 
was seriously wrong. 

'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked. 

'Do you remember that I told you how I had 
this tremendous urge to put my 
***** into the pickle slicer?' 

'Oh, Bill, you didn't!', she exclaimed. 

'Yes, I did.' he replied. 
'My God, Bill, what happened?' 
'I got fired.' 

'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?' 

'Oh...she got fired too.' 

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Winner: 

A couple had been married for 50 years. 

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning 
when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago 
we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.' 

'I know,' the old man said. 

'We were probably sitting here ***** 
as a jaybird fifty years ago..' 

'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.' 

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and 
sat down at the table. 

'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'my ******s are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.' 

'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 

'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."