blond

4 hightech blonde inventions:---

Waterproof towel ---
Solar powered-----
flashlight---
Book on how to read ----
Pedal powered wheel chair.

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Why did the blonde cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
To avoid side effects.
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A blonde man proposed to a girl. The girl said, "I'm a year older than you."
Blonde man said, "OK, no problem, I'll marry you next year."
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Why was the blonde writing the exam near the door? Because it was an
entrance exam.
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A blonde's son: Dad, there is some one at the door collecting
donations for a swimming pool.
Blonde dad: Give him a glass of water.
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Blonde:I am a proud father, my son is in medical college.
Redhead: Really, what is he studying?
Blonde: He is not studying, they are studying him.

joke of the today

An agriculture student said to a farmer: "Your methods are too old-fashioned. I wouldn't be surprised if this tree gave you less than twenty pounds of apples."

"Wouldn't surprise me, either," said the farmer, "this is an mango tree".

Chritmas gifts

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began
praying at the top of his lungs.

"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."

"I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..."

"I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and
said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

To which the little brother replied,

"No, but Grandma is!

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Santa's Jigsaw sex toy shop 'Twas the night before Christmas--
Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH

A boy begs his father to get him a Christmas tree this year.
Each year, the boy asks and the father tells him, "I don't
want to pay for it."

But the son kept begging. Unable to bear his son's whining,
he picks up his axe one day and heads out of the house.
Thirty minutes later he returns with a great big Christmas
tree. "How did you cut it down so fast?" his son asks.

"I didn't cut it down," the father replies.
"I got it at a tree lot."

"Then why did you bring an axe?"

"Because I didn't want to pay."

Reasons Why We Indians Cannot be Terrorists

1. We are always late; we would have missed all 4 flights.

2. We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.

3. With free food & drinks on the plane, we would forget why we're There

4. We talk with our hands;therefore we would have to put our weapons down.

5. We would ALL want to fly the plane.

6. We would argue and start a fight in the plane.

7. We can't keep a secret; we would have told everyone a week before doing it.

8. We would have put our country's flag on the windshield.

9. We would have postponed the mission because a cricket match was going on that day

10. We would all have fallen over each other to be in the photograph being taken with one of the hostages.

Marriage life

Monica married Hitesh this day. At the end of the wedding party, Monica's mother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook with Rs.1000 deposit amount. Mother: 'Monica, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriage life.

When there's something happy and memorable happened in your new life, put some money in. Write down what it's about next to the line. The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in. I've done the first one for you today. Do the others with Hitesh.
When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you've had.'
Monica shared this with Hitesh when getting home.

They both thought it was a great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can be made. This was what they did after certain time:

- 7 Feb: Rs.100, first birthday celebration for Hitesh after marriage
- 1 Mar: Rs.300, salary raise for Monica
- 20 Mar: Rs.200, vacation trip to Bali
- 15 Apr: Rs.2000, Monica got pregnant - 1 Jun: Rs.1000, Hitesh got promoted
..... and so on...

However, after years, they started fighting and arguing for trivial things. They didn't talk much. They regretted that they had married the most nasty people in the world.... no more love...
Kind of typical nowadays, huh?

One day Monica talked to her Mother:
'Mom, we can't stand it anymore. We agree to divorce. I can't imagine how I decided to marry this guy!!!'

Mother: 'Sure, girl, that's no big deal. Just do whatever you want if you really can't stand it.
But before that, do one thing first. Remember the saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day? Take out all money and spend it first. You shouldn't keep any record of such a poor marriage.'


Monica thought it was true. So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue and planning to cancel the account. While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record. She looked, and looked, and looked.


Then the memory of all the previous joy and happiness just came up her mind. Her eyes were then filled with tears. She left and went home. When she was home, she handed the passbook to Hitesh, asked him to spend the money before getting divorce. The next day, Hitesh gave the passbook back to Monica. She found a new deposit of Rs.5000.
And a line next to the record:

'This is the day I notice how much I've loved you thru out all these years. How much happiness you've brought me.'

They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe. Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired?

I did not ask.I believe the money did not matter any more after they had gone thru all the good years in their life. "When you fall, in any way, Don't see the place where you fell, Instead see the place from where you slipped. Life is about correcting mistakes."

prostitutes

When one of the prostitutes passed away, the girls moped
disconsolately around the house.

"Good old Gloria," lamented one. "She could handle twenty men
a night, drink a fifth of whiskey and still have the strength
to roll five drunks."

Hearing this, one of the others burst into tears.

"Why is it," she sobbed, "that a girl has to die before
anyone says anything nice about her?"

Jokes from Pakistan

Shaadi A Boy to astrologer: Meri Shaadi Kyun Nai Ho rahi..?
Astrologer: Qudrat Ne Teri Qismat Mai Dukh Nai Likhe To Mai Kiya Kar Sakta Hun" Sardar, Divorce & Divide A sardar and his wife go for divorce. Judge asks, "You have 3 kids; how will you divide them?" Sardar thinks and says, "Ok, we'll come next year!" Sardar's Kidney Failing In Skool? DOCTOR: Ur Kidney Has Failed!

§ARDAR: Doctor! Wat da hell R U Talking,
.
My Kidney Never Went 2 School
Then How It Failed.? Kid: Once a he-goat was being taken to butcher's hop. So the goat was crying loudly. The school boy asked his mom about the reason for this. Mom cleared his doubt. Then the boy said with deep breathe," oh ! that's OK, I was worried that he is being taken to school." Busy youth 1 Hand On Horn
1 Hand On Gear
1 Ear Listening to Songz
1 Ear On the Mobile
1 Foot On Accelerator
Other On Clutch
& both Eyes On Girlz
Welcome to INDIA
with our hardworking youth... Arz kiya hai Shayer: Arz kia hai.
Sardar: Irshad irshad.
Shayer: Arz kia hai.
Sardar: Irshad irshad.
Shayer: Abay kamine bolne to de .
Sardar: Wah wah wah ;-)