Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Bohemian woman

Up the bar one morning, the bartender turned around and noticed two customers had entered while he was in the back room. Approaching the gentleman first the bartender asked,

"What can I get for you Sir", the man answered,

"Well, get me a beer and get that Bohemian woman at the end of the bar a drink.

The woman, surprised by her free drink, raised her cocktail in the air and signaled a "Thank You" to her unknown sponsor.

Noticing that the man's beer was near empty, the bartender asked if the man wanted a refill, he replied,

"Sure, and get that Bohemian woman another drink."

This went on and on until each had had plenty to drink. The Bohemian woman yelled in a drunken stupor to the man at the bar,

"Could you come over he're fur a min...minute?"

The man stumbled to the end of the bar where the woman said,

"God Damnit, I just wanted to say Th..Thanks for all th drinkz, you do'nnnt eeeven knooow me!! Can I
just ask you one questi on?"

"sh sh ure"

"What makes you thin k I am BoBooh eemi an?"

The man replied, "Well that's eeeasy maa'am...on...one of yuorrr tits is haaanging out of youuurrr dress..."

"Oh Shiiit!!! I left the Baaby on the Bus!!!!"

A teenager:

A teenager was on his way to his way home from school, and he was thinking about later on that evening. He was going to girlfriend's house for dinner with her family, where he was going to meet them for the first time. He had a really good feeling that tonight was going to
be the ''big night''. 

So he went to the pharmacy on his way home from school and was trying to decide if he wanted a box of 6, 10, or 20 condoms. So he asked the pharmacist, what should i do? I'm having dinner with my girlfriend and we will be all alone after her family leaves, so I wonder what box I
should get. The pharmacist and the boy discuss it and finally the boy got the box of 20. That night at the table, right before they eat, the family were all sitting there praying.

The girlfriend leaned over to her boyfriend, who was praying and concentrating very hard and said, ''You never told me you were so religious!'' And the boy leaned over to her and said, ''You never told me your father was a pharmacist!''

Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began?
California?Oregon? Switzerland? Most believe it originated in Switzerland, and here's the real version.
Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night. The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn. As the story goes, the farmer's daughter came down from upstairs and asked her father,
 "Who is that man going into the barn?"
"That's some fellow traveling through," said the farmer. "He needs a place to stay for the night, so I said he could sleep in the barn."
The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry." So she prepared him a plate of food and took it out to the barn.
About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.
The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn, and she too did not return for an hour.
Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly and her hair
all messed up. She also headed straight to bed.
The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left.

When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she  broke into tears. "How could he leave without even saying goodbye," she cried. "We made such passionate love last night !"
"What ?" shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain.

The farmer screamed up at him, " I'm going to get you ! You had sex with my daughter ! "
The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to
his mouth, and yelled out," LAIDTHEOLADEETOO "