Wednesday, March 19, 2008

URGENT! Trainee required

Please apply before or ON 14th Feb.
Applications are invited for the following post. The package and incentives are mentioned below.
Designation : junior girl friend ( trainee )
Experience : FRESHER (experienced candidate strictly prohibited)


Perks and incentives.
Total gross ( Monthly ) : 3 gifts worth 300/-
30 bike rides each duration 2 hours
20 trips to Eat Street/Tank bund
5 Trips to Birla temple / Sanghi Temple
10 Kulfis / Chocobars at a regular gap of 3 days
Daily Provision of Vada / Samosa / Pakoda / Pani puri/ PAV Baji/ Chat worth of 5 /-
4 movies ( Hindi Family movie only ) per month
on every weekend Visits to Fashion Street , Shopper's Stop, Central every Weekend Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to Demand Net Deductions ( Monthly ) : Provident Fund and Service taxes to be informed on joining
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---- REFERRAL BONUS WILL BE GIVEN AS PER THE POLICY ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- - Pls note


Thanks & Have a Wonderful Day

During the Cold War

During the Cold War, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile, Soviet satellites would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in less than 5 seconds Soviet counter-missiles would be on their way.

This was their scenario.... ......... ....
But if there is a nuclear war between India and Pakistan. The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India.
They don't need any permission from their government, and promptly order the countdowns.
Indian technology is highly advanced.
In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak Countdown and decides to launch a missile in retribution. But they need permission from the Government of India. They submit their request to the Indian President. The President forwards it to the Cabinet. The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session. The LS meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the opposition, it gets adjourned and adjourned indefinitely. The President asks for a quick decision.
In the mean time, the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical failure. Their attempts for a relaunch are still on. Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a party that was giving outside support withdraws it. The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week. As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a caretaker government is installed. The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear missile. But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government cannot take such a decision because elections are at hand. A public Interest Litigation is filed in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power by the Election Commission.
The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting PM is authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing the nation. Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367 miles away from the target, on its own government building at 11.00AM. Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office thatearly. In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in flight. The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and USA.
The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear missile of its own, after convening an all-party meeting. This time all the parties agree. Its three months since the army had sought permission. But as preparations begin, "pro-humanity" , "anti-nuclear" activists come out against the Government's decision. Human chains are formed and Rasta rokos organised. In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning the government and mentioning "Please forward it to as many Indians as possible". On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan. Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes. A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service.
Since the Pakistan army is unable to understand its software, it hits its original destination: Russia. Russia successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches a nuclear missile towards Islamabad. The missile hits the target and creates havoc. Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.
Thus India never gets to launch the missile. Pakistan never gets it right. And...we live happily ever after...

Have a Fun Day












Two Lovers plan to Suicide. Boy jumped first; Girl closed her eyes, and returns back saying Love is Blind. The Boy, in mid-air opened his parachute saying Love never Dies.








Sick Leave................

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the
Boss would not
allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I
acted "CRAZY" then
he would tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung
upside down on the
ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me
what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so
that the Boss would
think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and
asked,
"What are you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and
recuperate
for a couple of days."

I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked her,
"And where do you think you are going?"

( You are gonna love this.....)

She said, "I am going home too, I can't work in the dark."!!

IT consultant

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt.

The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out and asks the Shepherd: If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"

The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: "Okay."

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the Ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150 page report on his high-tech mini-printer.

He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."

The shepherd cheers,"that' s correct, you can have your sheep."

The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche.

The shepherd looks at him and asks:

"If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?"

The young man answers, "Yes, why not".

The shepherd says, "You are an IT consultant ".

How did you know?" asks the young man.

"Very simple," answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew, and third, you don't understand anything about my business...

Now can I have my DOG back?"

my 1st time ever

It was my first time ever And I'll never forget I'd do it again Without a single regret.

The sky was dark
The moon was high We were all alone Just she and I.

Her hair was soft
Her eyes were blue I knew just what She wanted to do.

Her skin so soft Her legs so fine I ran my fingers Down her spine.

I didn't know how But I tried my best I started by placing My hands on her breast.

I remember my fear My fast beating heart But slowly she spread Her legs apart.

And when I did it I felt no shame All at once The white stuff came.

At last it's finished It's all over now My first time ever At milking a cow...

women Gift !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"
"Oh, that" she said
"Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for few months to see if it is a girl !!!"

Moral of the story: Don't tempt a woman, they are dangerously intelligent!

Ouch....

A man had been in a terrible car accident, and woke up in the hospital. Looking around, he noticed a doctor leaning over his bed. ...