Best jokes of 2013

A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, 

he asked the Madam, 'Is this a union house?'
'No,' she replied, 'I'm sorry it isn't..'
'Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?'
'The house gets $80 and the girls get $20,' she answered.
Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where
the Madam responded, 'Why yes sir, this is a union house.
'We observe all union rules.'
The man asked, 'And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?'
'The girls get $80 and the house gets $20.'
'That's more like it!' the union man said.
He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room,
and pointed to a stunningly attractive green-eyed blonde .
'I'd like her,' he said.
'I'm sure you would, sir,' ...said the Madam.
Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner,
'...but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to
union rules, she's next.'

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Number 2

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her,
"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state,
dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.
If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
His wife got up, Kissed him ever so gently,
unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer.