Blonde jokes

 

Mickey was in a bar having a drink, and the barmaid was one sexy looking blonde lady!
He slapped a ten spot on the table and said, "I bet I can keep an eye on this drink while I go to the bathroom." 

She knew the bathroom was around the corner so she accepted the bet. He took his glass eye out, placed it beside the drink and went to the bathroom. "Bet you I can bite my own ear," Mickey challenged next. 

The bet was accepted. He took out his false teeth & nipped his ear. Once more he scooped up the money. "Okay," he said, "I'll give you a chance to win your money back. 

I bet I can make love to you so tenderly you won't feel a thing." Now that was one thing she knew about, so she accepted the bet. Mickey lifted her skirt & away they went. "I can feel you." she giggled.
"Oh well," he grinned, "You win some, you lose some!!" 

Tracks

 
Three blondes were walking through the desert one day, when they saw a set of tracks.

The first blonde said, "Are they bird tracks?"

The second blonde said, "No, I think they're rabbit tracks."

There was a loud noise a short distance away.

The third blonde leaned in for a closer look, and got hit by a train.

first golf lesson

 

A blonde arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her to take a swing at a ball to see how she'd do.

The blonde did so and completely duffed the shot.

The pro said "Your swing is good but you're gripping the club too hard grip the club gently as you would your husband's penis.".

The blonde took another shot and nailed the ball 275 yards straight down the fairway.

The pro said "That was excellent!! Let's try it again, only this time take the club out of your mouth."

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also blonde.

I can't afford

A blonde mother runs her own daycare business. She has two of her own kids and has about 15 kids in her daycare. One day the blonde takes the children to the park to play, when a brunette walks up and notices the blonde and her daycare kids.

She goes to the blonde and asks her, "Are all these kids yours?"

The blonde replies, "No, I have two of my own."

The brunette proceeds to ask which two are the blonde's.

The blonde laughs and says. "My kids go to the YMCA daycare center."

The brunette asks in a puzzled voice, "Why are they there when you run your own daycare?"

The blonde looks at her and says, "Because I can't afford what I charge."

what's the reason for the celebration

 
Three blondes are celebrating their success in a pub.

The bartender asks them: "Girls, what's the reason for the celebration?"

One of the blondes responds: "Well, we just finished this puzzle and it took us only a month, while the box indicated: 3 to 6 years!"...

exotic pet

A blonde, June, goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of frogs. The sign says: 'SEX FROGS' Only $20 each! Comes with 'complete' instructions.

The girl, June, excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, 'I'll TAKE one!' As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, 'Just follow the instructions!' The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY what is specified:


1. Take a shower. 2. Splash on some nice perfume. 3. Slip into a very sexy nightie. 4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down inbetween your legs, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise . . . NOTHING happens!

The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, 'If you have any problems or questions . Please call the pet store.'

So, she calls the pet store.

The man says, 'I'll be right over.' Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell.

The blonde welcomes him in and says, 'See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!'

The man . . . Looking very concerned

BEST Blonde joke

A blonde was driving down the Freeway when her Mobile phone rang.
It was her husband warning her:

"Darling", he said, "I just heard on the news that there is a car
going the wrong way down the Freeway. Please be careful!"

"Its not just one car", cried the blonde, "There's fucking
hundreds of them!"

a blond and her male co-worker

One day, a blond and her male co-worker are sitting in the lunch room, and the guy says, "I can't take anymore today, I am going home!" The blond replies, "You can't just get up and leave. You'll be fired!". "Not to worry, I am going to be sent home. I have an idea." the guy says and leaves the room.

The blond finishes her lunch and heads back into work, to see her co-worker hanging upside down from the ceiling, yelling over and over, "I'm a lightbulb!". The owner hears this and comes down. He takes one look at the guy, hanging upside down, yelling he is a lightbulb, and sends him home for the rest of the day, with pay, so he can rest, because he has obviously been working to hard.

The guy gets down off the ceiling, thanks the owner and leaves.

The blond turns around and starts to leave. The owner yells to her, "Hey where the heck do you think you are going?" The blond replies, "I'm going home. You can't expect me to work in the dark!"