wife may

An armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

On his way out the door with the loot, one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.

The robber shoots the guy without hesitation!

He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.

One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him also.

Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.

"Did anyone else see my face?" calls the robber.

There are a few moments of silence...then one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says: 'I think me wife may have caught a glimpse ....'

Cannibal Restaurant

Cannibal Restaurant...
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant
operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling
somewhat hungry, he walked in, sat down and looked over the menu...

Raw Tourist: $5
Broiled Missionary: $10.00
Fried Explorer: $15.00
Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00

The guy called his Friend over and asked, 'Why such a huge price
difference for the politicians?'
The cook replied, 'Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full
of crap, it takes all morning'.

Much harder

An older couple are playing in the annual golf club championship. They 

are playing in a playoff hole and the championship comes down to a 6

inch putt which the wife has to make.

The woman is trembling as she takes her stance. Then, she putts and...

misses. They lose the match.

On the way home in the car, the woman's husband is fuming,

"I cannot believe you missed that putt! That putt was no longer than my dick!"

The woman looks over at her husband, smiles and replies,

"Yes dear, but it was much harder!"

Women are extremely determined

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large

metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will

find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!!"


The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The  agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."


The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said,

"You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home."


Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were

heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and

there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "This gun was loaded with false bullets" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair!!"


MORAL: Women are extremely determined.. Don't mess with them?

Missing wife

 

A man went to police station for filing report for his missing wife:


Man:                      I lost my wife (misty)
Inspector:           What is her height
Man:                     I never noticed
Inspector:           Slim or healthy
Man:                     Not slim can be healthy
Inspector:           Colour of eyes
Man:                     Never noticed
Inspector:           Colour of hair
Man:                     Changes according to season
Inspector:           What was she wearing
Man:                     Saree/suit/ I don't remember exactly
Inspector:           Was somebody with her ?????????
Man:                     Yes my Labrador dog, Romeo,  tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together…. And the man started crying…..
Inspector:  Lets search for the dog first !!!!!!!

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue. . . .. .
 Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman:" Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me ...."

Doctor:"I have a real good medicine against that: When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just
 gargle and gargle".

2 weeks later she comes back to the doctor and looks reborn and fresh again.

Woman:" Doc, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk I gargled repeatedly with chamomile tea and he never touched me.

Doctor:" you see how keeping your mouth shut helps! !!"

The vet test

A man rushes his limp dog to the veterinarian. The doctor pronounces the dog dead. The agitated man demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body and barks. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too." The man finally resigns to the diagnosis and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650." "$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaims the man. "Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 is for the cat scan and lab tests."