Don’t use plastic bags instead of Condoms

One fine morning Mr. Swapnesh gupta (Baliya wale) is working on the road. In sudden a young male Buffalo rushing towards him. Shocked Swapnesh started running to save his life but in opposite direction a buffalo (mother of young one) is also rushing towards him. He stunned as a statue (like mayawai copper statue in parks) unable to do nothing.  Mother Buffalo voiced a laud “ ye he tumara bapu hai unko chote mat pauchave”

Note: Don’t use plastic bags instead of Condoms.

Software engineer and his wife

Software engineer and his wife

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.


Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.


Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.


Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.


Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.


Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.


Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.


Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.


Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.


Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.


Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.


Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.


Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.


Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.


Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer .

what's the reason for the celebration

 
Three blondes are celebrating their success in a pub.

The bartender asks them: "Girls, what's the reason for the celebration?"

One of the blondes responds: "Well, we just finished this puzzle and it took us only a month, while the box indicated: 3 to 6 years!"...

A blonde calls her husband on his cellphone.

A blonde calls her husband on his cellphone.
Blonde: "I've got a problem!"
Husband: "Tell me."
Blonde: "I've just bought a puzzle, but I can't solve it!"
Husband: "Is it that difficult?"
Blonde: "Yes, I don't know where to start; all pieces look similar!"
Husband: "What's the image on the cover of the box?"
Blonde: "A red cock, but I really can't solve it."
Husband: "Wait a minute, I'll be right there and we will solve it together!"
...
A few minutes later the husband walks in.
Husband: "And where is this puzzle of yours?"
Blonde: "It's right her on the table..."
Deep silence falls, and then a sigh...
Husband: "Okay, we will do the following: you'll put all cornflakes back into the box and I'll forget the complete incident."

Indian maths can any there to slove ?

1.) SSC + HSC + BMS + MBA = UNEMPLYOMENT .

2.) An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com...

3.) Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.

4.) 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = 4 minute song in Hindi movie.

5.) Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favourite serials.

6.) Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan = Abhishek Bachchan -Talent.

7.) Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan

8.) 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda

9.) 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan

10.) 1 person + straight hair + unstraight walk = Sanjay dutt

11.) 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol

12..) One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred Relatives + A house bigger
than Buckingham Palace = One Sooraj Barjataya'sFilm.

13.) One man + one woman = Isha Deol

14.) Time waste - time = Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi

15.) Boring songs + heavy dialogues + Bogus dressing = Devdas

16.) New heroes + New heroins = a flop movie

17..) Old heroes + new heroins = a blunder

18.) Old heroes + old heroins = timepass

19.) action - suspense + comedy - thrill - story - clothes = Indiansuperhit movie

20.) Do aur do paanch = Indian algebra
1 Lady - 1 Brain = Aishwarya Rai
1 Lady - 1/2 Clothes = Mallika Sherawat
1 Lady + 1 Buffalo = Yana Gupta

How To Become A Dad

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter.

She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.

'Why?' my daughter asked. 'Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs' I replied.


At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, 'Momma, how do you know all this stuff, you are so smart.'

I was thinking quickly. 'All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mom Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mom.' We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.


'OH...I get it!' she beamed, 'So if you don't pass the test you have to be the dad. '

'Exactly' I replied back with a big smile on my face.

I get $43 back from Medicare

A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged
them $50.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.

Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

"We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house.

The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108.

We do it here for $50, .....and I get $43 back from Medicare."