Jack was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car.
The only thing he said was, “F.F.”
His wife turned to him and answered, “E.F.”
Out on the highway, he said, “F.F.”
She responded simply, “E.F.”
He repeated, “F.F.”
She again replied, “E.F.”
“Mom! Dad!” their son yelled. “What’s going on?”
Jack answered, “Your mother wants to eat first!”
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Ghanta Singh Back from delhi
1 baar Ghanta Singh delhi gumne gaya
delhi se aate hue wo folding bed kharid k leke aaya
aate hue raaste mein delhi railway station par use uska frnd milta hai or wo poochta hai
frnd...: ye folding bed kitne ka laaaya
man-: 1000 rs.ka
frnd-: kyun marwa aaya gand??humare yaha to 800 ka milta hai.
Ghanta Singh feel shy n start his journy
again in train meets another frnd
oye ye bed kitne ka laaya?
Ghanta Singh : thoda rate kam karke bola ki 800 ka
frnd : kyun marwa aaya gand humare yaha to 500 ka milta hai
to fir wo mum railway station par pohunch gaya or use fir uska dost mil gaya
frnd :are ye bed kitne ka laay yaar??
Ghanta Singh : 500 ka....
frnd : areee marwa aaya gand yaha mum mein to 300 ka milta hai...
at last he reach the home and his fathe asks him kaha se aa raha hai ?
Ghanta Singh-: gand marwa ke
father : to saale bed bhi ghar se leke gaya tha kya.??????
delhi se aate hue wo folding bed kharid k leke aaya
aate hue raaste mein delhi railway station par use uska frnd milta hai or wo poochta hai
frnd...: ye folding bed kitne ka laaaya
man-: 1000 rs.ka
frnd-: kyun marwa aaya gand??humare yaha to 800 ka milta hai.
Ghanta Singh feel shy n start his journy
again in train meets another frnd
oye ye bed kitne ka laaya?
Ghanta Singh : thoda rate kam karke bola ki 800 ka
frnd : kyun marwa aaya gand humare yaha to 500 ka milta hai
to fir wo mum railway station par pohunch gaya or use fir uska dost mil gaya
frnd :are ye bed kitne ka laay yaar??
Ghanta Singh : 500 ka....
frnd : areee marwa aaya gand yaha mum mein to 300 ka milta hai...
at last he reach the home and his fathe asks him kaha se aa raha hai ?
Ghanta Singh-: gand marwa ke
father : to saale bed bhi ghar se leke gaya tha kya.??????
Costume Party
A guy goes into a costume shop.
He says, "I'm going to a costume party, I want to go as Adam. "
The girl brings out a fig leaf.
He says, "Not big enough. "
She brings out a bigger one.
He says, "Still not big enough. "
She brings out a huge fig leaf.
He says, "Still not big enough. "
She says, "Listen, Ace, why don't you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gasoline pump? "
He says, "I'm going to a costume party, I want to go as Adam. "
The girl brings out a fig leaf.
He says, "Not big enough. "
She brings out a bigger one.
He says, "Still not big enough. "
She brings out a huge fig leaf.
He says, "Still not big enough. "
She says, "Listen, Ace, why don't you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gasoline pump? "
santa calls in girls hostel
Santa Ne Girls Hostel Me Phone Kiya : “Meena Hai Kya?”
Warden Ne Pucha : “Piche Kya Lagati Hai Wo?”
Santa : “Ab To Pata Nahi Ji, Par Pehle Sarson Ka Tel Lagati Thi“
Warden Ne Pucha : “Piche Kya Lagati Hai Wo?”
Santa : “Ab To Pata Nahi Ji, Par Pehle Sarson Ka Tel Lagati Thi“
Top Four Adult Jokes
Fourth Place:
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby
and as he does, his elbow goes into her ******.
They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am,
if your heart is as soft as your ******,
I know you'll forgive me.'
She replies, 'If your ***** is as hard as your elbow,
I'm in room 221..'
-----------------------------------------------------------
Third Place:
One night, as a couple lays down for bed,
the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.
The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey,
I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow
and I want to stay fresh.'
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over
and taps his wife again.
'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Second Place:
Bill worked in a pickle factory.
He had been employed there for a number of years
when he came home one day to confess to his wife
that he had a terrible compulsion ~
He had an urge to stick his ***** into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a *** therapist
to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day, a few weeks later, Bill came home
and his wife could see at once that something
was seriously wrong.
'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.
'Do you remember that I told you how I had
this tremendous urge to put my
***** into the pickle slicer?'
'Oh, Bill, you didn't!', she exclaimed.
'Yes, I did.' he replied.
'My God, Bill, what happened?'
'I got fired.'
'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'
'Oh...she got fired too.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Winner:
A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning
when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago
we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'
'I know,' the old man said.
'We were probably sitting here *****
as a jaybird fifty years ago..'
'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and
sat down at the table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'my ******s are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps.
'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby
and as he does, his elbow goes into her ******.
They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am,
if your heart is as soft as your ******,
I know you'll forgive me.'
She replies, 'If your ***** is as hard as your elbow,
I'm in room 221..'
-----------------------------------------------------------
Third Place:
One night, as a couple lays down for bed,
the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.
The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey,
I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow
and I want to stay fresh.'
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over
and taps his wife again.
'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Second Place:
Bill worked in a pickle factory.
He had been employed there for a number of years
when he came home one day to confess to his wife
that he had a terrible compulsion ~
He had an urge to stick his ***** into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a *** therapist
to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day, a few weeks later, Bill came home
and his wife could see at once that something
was seriously wrong.
'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.
'Do you remember that I told you how I had
this tremendous urge to put my
***** into the pickle slicer?'
'Oh, Bill, you didn't!', she exclaimed.
'Yes, I did.' he replied.
'My God, Bill, what happened?'
'I got fired.'
'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'
'Oh...she got fired too.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Winner:
A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning
when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago
we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'
'I know,' the old man said.
'We were probably sitting here *****
as a jaybird fifty years ago..'
'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and
sat down at the table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'my ******s are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps.
'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."
Military Jokes
In the 1970's , before women were allowed to sign up for combat duty,
a man was bragging to his friends about how his sister disguised
herself as a man and was able to join the army.
"But, wait a minute," said one listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and
shower with them too. Won't she? "
"Sure," replied the man.
"Well, won't they find out? " asked his friend.
The man shrugged and replied, "But who will tell? "
a man was bragging to his friends about how his sister disguised
herself as a man and was able to join the army.
"But, wait a minute," said one listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and
shower with them too. Won't she? "
"Sure," replied the man.
"Well, won't they find out? " asked his friend.
The man shrugged and replied, "But who will tell? "
Can you loan
Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker.
She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.”
She’s standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, “How much?” She says, “A hundred dollars.”
He says, “All I got is thirty”. She says, “Hold on,” and runs back to Harry and asks, “What can he get for thirty?”
“A hand job”, Harry reply.
She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollar is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE ……
She stares at it for a minute, and then says, “I’ll be right back.” She runs back to Harry, and asks, “Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?”
She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.”
She’s standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, “How much?” She says, “A hundred dollars.”
He says, “All I got is thirty”. She says, “Hold on,” and runs back to Harry and asks, “What can he get for thirty?”
“A hand job”, Harry reply.
She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollar is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE ……
She stares at it for a minute, and then says, “I’ll be right back.” She runs back to Harry, and asks, “Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?”
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