IT consultant

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt.

The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out and asks the Shepherd: If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"

The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: "Okay."

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the Ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150 page report on his high-tech mini-printer.

He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."

The shepherd cheers,"that' s correct, you can have your sheep."

The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche.

The shepherd looks at him and asks:

"If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?"

The young man answers, "Yes, why not".

The shepherd says, "You are an IT consultant ".

How did you know?" asks the young man.

"Very simple," answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew, and third, you don't understand anything about my business...

Now can I have my DOG back?"

my 1st time ever

It was my first time ever And I'll never forget I'd do it again Without a single regret.

The sky was dark The moon was high We were all alone Just she and I.

Her hair was soft Her eyes were blue I knew just what She wanted to do.

Her skin so soft Her legs so fine I ran my fingers Down her spine.

I didn't know how But I tried my best I started by placing My hands on her breast.

I remember my fear My fast beating heart But slowly she spread Her legs apart.

And when I did it I felt no shame All at once The white stuff came.

At last it's finished It's all over now My first time ever At milking a cow...

women Gift !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"
"Oh, that" she said
"Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for few months to see if it is a girl !!!"

Moral of the story: Don't tempt a woman, they are dangerously intelligent!

MONTHLY ***EXPENSES***

MONTHLY MILESTONES OF A BACHELOR GUY

Heading	First Week	Second Week	Third Week	Fourth Week
a) Bank Balance	20000	2000	200	20
b) Conveyance	Auto ("I can afford it")	Share Auto ("I would like to share. I am selfless!")	Bus ("Public figures should travel by public transport")	Walk ("Good for health")
c) Girl Friends	Eena , Meena & Tina ("I can BUY love")	Meena &Tina ("I have enough girl friends")	Tina ("I am loyal to her")	"Huh! There is no pure love on earth!"
d) Mobile Maintenance	Frequent outgoing calls ("This is what mobile is invented for")	Restricted outgoing calls ("I should not create unnecessary traffic on mobile lines")	Rare outgoing calls (" Mobile should be used in urgent situations only")	Only incoming calls ("I am not going to call her until she calls me")
e) Boozing	"Come, let's go to Goa and freak out!	"Man, there is nothing in Goa . Let's go to Mysore .."	"The best place to booze on earth is our house itself. What say?"	"Drinking is injurious to health."

MONTHLY MILESTONES OF A Bachelor GIRL

Heading	First Week	Second Week	Third Week	Fourth Week
a) Bank Balance	20000	20000	20000	20000
b) Conveyance	A uto ("after all my boy friend pays for it")	Auto ("after all my boy friend pays for it")	Auto ("after all my boy friend pays for it")	Auto ("after all my boy friend pays for it")
c) Boy Friends	Abhinav , saleem, Peter	Sachin, sumeet, vinay	Abhijeet, Ram, christopher...	Arun , Saketh, vimal..
d) Mobile Maintenance	Only Incoming calls (Its for ppl 2 call me)	Only Incoming calls (Its for ppl 2 call me)	Only Incoming calls (Its for ppl 2 call me)	Only Incoming calls (Its for ppl 2 call me)
e) Boozing	"Come, let's go to Goa and freak out!	"Come, let's go to Kulu and freak out!	"Come, let's go to Shimla and freak out!	"Come, let's go to darjling and freak out!

See how business is done

Father : I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"

Next Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"

This is how business is done!!

Moral: You can have anything even if you have nothing to begin with.

The Present!!! (VERY INTERESTING,ONE OF THE BEST MAILS)

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.

One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room's only window.

The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end.
They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the militar y service, where they had been on vacation.


Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened b y all the activity and color of the world outside.


The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.
Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.


As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.


Although the other man could not
hear the band - he could see it in his mind ' s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.


Days, weeks and months passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the wind ow, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to
take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.


Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbo w to take his first look at the real world outside.
He strained to slowly turn to look out the
window besides the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.


The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, 'Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.'



Epilogue:

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own
situations.

Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.


If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can ' t buy.


'Today is a gift, that is why it is called The Present .'

Newton in romantic mood

Universal law:

"Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer
from
One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "

First law:

"A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl
in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless
any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and
break the legs of the boy. "

Second law:

"The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is
directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and
the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the
bank balance. "

Third law:

"The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and
opposite to the force applied by the girl while slap.